Walking with Purpose

Lessons from Summer Camp: Being everything to everyone for the sake of Christ

2009-07-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

As mentioned in my last post, I don't like the outdoors. Well, let me rephrase that. I don't like the outdoors in the mountains of San Diego. They are an interesting mixture of dirt, mud, desert heat, pine trees, desert sage and dirt. Oh and bugs. Lots of bugs. Before I went hiking in Italy, I always thought I hated hiking since I associated it with hikes I took in the desert-like mountains, trying to avoid hornets, rattlesnakes and fire ants.

The idea of spending 5 days in a wooden cabin with a bunch of girls was not exciting me and the legistics finally hit me when I had to buy junky clothes for the week.
I'll get hot.
I'll get dirty.
I will be terribly uncomfortable.
I may not get any sleep.
I will be bitten by numerous bugs.
Yuck.

But I had already volunteered and that was that.

Sunday night rolled along fairly well and I discovered I had been placed in a tepee (yes, a real functioning tepee). At first, I was bummed out but soon discovered the tepees were wonderful. There was more useable space, since the mattresses were on the ground the girls could move their beds every night if they wanted, and when it was hot all we had to do was lift the sides and voila! Automatic A/C!

Monday was really good. It was overcast and even sprinkled a little. I insisted, in fact, I demanded that my girls go hiking with me because the weather was cool. (First hint that something was changing in me). Monday night I was grodey and sweaty and gross and I still played Capture the Flat (a game I have always hated) and enjoyed myself. Hmmm....

Tuesday morning we had staff devotionals and a counselor named "Sultan" (camp name) talked about his journey. He talked about how God was breaking him of himself and asking him to do things that he traditionally had thought were "not me". He talked about how God needs servants who are malleable. Servants that He can do whatever He wants with them and they will say, "Okay, go for it!"

I nearly burst into tears all over the counselor in front of me. It all made sense. God was breaking me of myself and asking me to do things that I've traditionally said were "not me". So often in church I had heard, "Use your gifts! Find your spiritual gifts and use them!" But in some ways, that has been overemphasized to the point where some people (....me) would not do something if it didn't fit their "gifting". But that's not what Scripture says. In fact, it's the opposite.

1 Corinthians 9:19-22

¹⁹Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. ²⁰To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. ²¹To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law. ²²To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. ²³I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

This week I became an outdoor enthusiast. Not because I'm gifted in it. Not because it's my passion. But for the sake of Christ, I had to sacrifice my comfort, my time, my resources, my likes, my desires.

Do you have an opportunity to impact others for Christ, but have been shying away from it because it didn't fit your "gift" or "passion"?

I spent 5 1/2 days at camp:
Showers: 6
Bug bites: 0
Times I felt super gross: 0
Times I felt super hot and sweaty: 1
Times I told girls to just ignore the bugs crawling all over our tepee: at least 35
Average hours of sleep per night: 9
Average hours hiking per day: 3

If the Spirit leads, just do it. He will provide for every single need.

Lessons from Summer Camp: God has a plan

2009-07-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

Growing up there were somethings I could always count on in the summer. One of them was going to Indian Hills Camp for summer camp. As an elementary-age kid, I loved it. Okay, I enjoyed myself minus the dirt and the bugs and the feelings of general uncleanliness. However, junior high camp there for two years was a bust. I lost two of my best friends and literally that's all I remember about those camps. Those summers left their mark and along with other controversies that happened at the camp that summer marred my experience.

So you can imagine my surprise when my church was signed up kids for camp that the first thought in my head was, "I could be a counselor." Whoa. Where did that come from? Camp counselors are usually college kids that are paid about $20 to spend 23 hours with kids a day. However, every time I passed that sign-up sheet I kept thinking about being a counselor which is crazy! My idea of "roughing it" is a Holiday Inn Express.

One Sunday in May, Pastor Bobby approached me and said, "Now, you don't have to say 'yes' or 'no' now, you can think about this, but Indian Hills doesn't have enough counselors for our week at camp and I was wondering..."
"Yes!" burst out of my mouth before he could finish his sentence.
My natural brain is going, "What? I just agreed to go back to camp! To Indian Hills of all places!"
But my heart was saying, "This is the right thing to do. I'm not working, I know the kids and I'm good with kids. They need me."

My brain eventually came around especially since Pastor Bobby and his wife Cheryl would be there too to take care of things.

But life happens and sometimes it's awful. The day before we were to leave for camp, Bobby's dad died. Bobby was in shock. He called the camp telling them he couldn't come. He called me to let me know I was now in charge of signing up and watching out for 30 campers from our church. I was now the official representative of our church. If I had not been going, this past week would have been horrific for Bobby or at least more horrific than it was.

God had a plan. All I had to do was listen and act on what the Holy Spirit had been prompting me to do for weeks.

Ultimatum update...

2009-06-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

Remember this post?

So here is the conclusion. I was upset because I wasn't going to get the flight I wanted on the airline I wanted. I bummed around for about 2 days figuring it was "all for the best", but not really believing it...until I got an email. From my school secretary. Letting me know I had my apartment for all of August.

Because I had not booked the East Coast flight, I could go ahead and make arrangements to move my trip back a week, making it more convenient for everyone involved. I bought the ticket for a cheaper price and a better date. I was just stunned, thanking God for stopping me in my tracks. He knew what was best and by being sensitive to what He wanted, things turned out better.

Oh and by the way, just for fun I checked the flight info for my original date...the prices were back to normal.

Thank you, God, that You are powerful enough to alter online airline booking and loving enough to do it for me!

My Obsession

2009-06-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

When I lived in Phoenix, I had a ritual. Every Sunday on the way home from church, I would get off at the Litchfield exit, park my car in a treeless lot and walk into Barnes and Noble. Sometimes I would stay for 30 minutes. Other times I would be there for hours. For a while, I ordered their turkey chipotle panini melt and would sit in the cafe reading various travel books or planning the next week of lessons. Most times, I would wander the store, find something fun and interesting, sit in a big comfy chair and read.

I love bookstores. I love all the books in a row. I love the colorful displays and the nooks where you can curl up and read. Barnes and Noble was the location of my first almost real date (more on my sad dating life later...).

I'm a bit of a bookstore snob too. Each one has a different function for me. Barnes and Noble is my favorite curl up and read spot, mostly because of the comfy chairs. Borders is more of a research spot, with firm leather chairs or tables and chairs. I planned my entire Italy trip from Borders.

So now that I'm no longer teaching frantically, I've been able to slip back into old habits. Summertime is when I try to read a book a day, even if it means staying up to 1 or 2 AM. Earlier this year, I found the web site Shelfari, which is a great way to keep track of the books you're reading and want to read.

So this summer, if you are lucky enough to have some free time on your hands, check out my Shelf and send me some book recommendations!

A good reminder

2009-06-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

Oswald Chambers has always been hit-or-miss for me. Sometimes the language is so convoluted I have trouble understanding his insight. Other times, it comes at the right time and the right place. This wasn't today's reading, but one that my eyes fell on and it is a good reminder:

By the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain . . . —1 Corinthians 15:10

The way we continually talk about our own inabilities is an insult to our Creator. To complain over our incompetence is to accuse God falsely of having overlooked us. Get into the habit of examining from God’s perspective those things that sound so humble to men. You will be amazed at how unbelievably inappropriate and disrespectful they are to Him. We say things such as, "Oh, I shouldn’t claim to be sanctified; I’m not a saint." But to say that before God means, "No, Lord, it is impossible for You to save and sanctify me; there are opportunities I have not had and so many imperfections in my brain and body; no, Lord, it isn’t possible." That may sound wonderfully humble to others, but before God it is an attitude of defiance.

Conversely, the things that sound humble before God may sound exactly the opposite to people. To say, "Thank God, I know I am saved and sanctified," is in God’s eyes the purest expression of humility. It means you have so completely surrendered yourself to God that you know He is true. Never worry about whether what you say sounds humble before others or not. But always be humble before God, and allow Him to be your all in all.

There is only one relationship that really matters, and that is your personal relationship to your personal Redeemer and Lord. If you maintain that at all costs, letting everything else go, God will fulfill His purpose through your life. One individual life may be of priceless value to God’s purposes, and yours may be that life.

The Real You

2009-06-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

I received an email from a former student (former as in one whole week former) asking if she could be my friend on facebook. I had a pretty strict rule against being friends with current students (especially since many of them are close to my age and that opens a whole can O' worms), but I had phrased it jokingly like, I'm dorky and you'd be embarrassed by most of my antics.

So my student wrote this:

I remembered that you told us you have many funny pictures on facebook, but probably nobody want to see them, but I want to know what Miss Ernst looks like in her real life. (-:

I was struck by the thought that she thought I had a "fake" and a "real" life. Then I looked at my facebook page to see was I really all that different? Like Top Gear. Check, showed a clip in class. Love Jesus, check, talked about it often and did my best to imitate His life. Encourage others, check, got that. Look like a dork in 99% of my pictures, check, half my students during the last week of school said at one time, "Uh...Miss Ernst we need to take picture again. Your eyes are not open."

For me, you see what you get. This was after years of trying to fit in with "cool" teacher friends. Happy hour, Mill Ave (some of the most boring hours of my life) and other activities that weren't necessarily sinning(most of the time), but just not who I am. I finally realized, hey, I'm not having fun, I'm doing this for people who really don't care about me or what's important to me. Hmmm...

So here I am. Me. I'm still trying to root out the junk left over from years of compromising, but I'm happy to say that I think my student will be somewhat disappointed to discover that my real life, is well, my real life.

Ultimatum

2009-06-06T16:19:00.000-07:00

Ever give God an ultimatum before?

God, if this is really you, then do x, y or z.

Today, I gave God an ultimatum. "God, I do not have my plane ticket yet to the East Coast or Germany. I've been waiting. But today God, I'm going to book my flight to the East Coast because I can. So if it isn't what you want, then do something catastrophic and I'll listen."

So I went on the airline web site, plugged in the date and time just as I had done two days earlier and...the flight was $150 more expensive. What?!?!?!

I checked out websites, frantically manipulating times and dates, but still same price. The day before it, $150 cheaper. The day after it, $150 cheaper. The day I needed, $150 more expensive.

It took 30 minutes for me to stop and realize: I gave God an ultimatum. And He answered. The answer was "no".

Whoa.

So, I'm waiting on that plane ticket. Waiting and listening. Because when you give God an ultimatum, there is a good chance, He'll give you one too...

My School!

2009-06-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today I turned in my high school keys and faculty badge. I'm officially free to be an elementary teacher in Augsburg!

To help give you an idea of my school, here is an informational video they just produced this month.

Pictures from Disneyland

2009-05-30T15:36:00.000-07:00

Check out my pictures from my great birthday at Disneyland on Facebook here.

Birthday at Disneyland

2009-05-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

This year Disneyland is letting you in free on the day of your birthday if you register with them online. It just so happened that this year my birthday was on a Sunday!

I convinced my brother to join me, got an awesome, cheap hotel nearby and voila! Instant vacation!

It had been 8 years since I had been to Disneyland and almost 20 years since my brother and I had been there together. So early Sunday morning we drove up to Anaheim and started our 11 hour adventure! Here's a list of best/worst of Disneyland!

Best time to come: As soon as it opened. We got there 20 minutes after it opened and we got through the ticket line in 5 minutes, walked onto our first few rides with no wait time and had great morning Southern California weather(overcast and cool).
Plan of action: Do what you really want first. Otherwise, you will wait in line forever.
Best ride to get a Fast Pass for: Tie between Space Mountain and Indiana Jones. We had FP for Indiana Jones and still had to wait 20+ minutes because it is so popular. At 2PM at Space Mountain, they were giving out FPs for 9-10PM. Wait time for both rides without a FP was 70-90 minutes.
Ride with fastest normal line: Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. We rode this 4 times. Three times without FP and we only had to wait maybe 20-30 minutes. FP was especially good at night. We got on in 10 minutes.
Ride you should probably get a Fast Pass for just because the line is so mind-numbing: Roger Rabbit. Ugh. I can never have those 35 minutes back.
Best food in the park: Corn dog from the Corn dog truck on Main Street. It is $6, but it the best corn dog you will ever have. The ice cream was good too and was the same price you would pay at Coldstone.
Worst place to walk through due to traffic issues: Adventureland into New Orleans. If the amount of people didn't crush you, the hundreds of strollers outside of Pirates of the Caribbean will.
Ride that seems entirely inappropriate for children: Haunted Mansion. Seriously, I don't remember it being that bad. It was horrible. My brother, who watches horror movies and laughs at them, about halfway through went, "I'm super creeped out right now. Like, I'm really creeped out." We were in a funk for a good 15 minutes after that one.
Best ride for physical exercise: Davy Crockett Canoes. Man, that gets your blood pumping, especially when the steamboat was right behind us and all the tourists in front of us got tired and stopped paddling.
Most disappointing updated ride: I know you're thinking I'm going to say Pirates of the Caribbean, but no, it's a small world was sad. There was Disney product placement everywhere. When you went to the cute hula girl part, Lilo and Stitch were in front, blocking most of it. Underwater room, almost entirely taken over by Little Mermaid and Finding Nemo. The strangest was in Spain, Cinderella showed up. Seriously? And they don't even look like the rest of the animatronics. It looks cheesy and added on(can it's a small world be even more cheesy than it was? Yes. Yes, it can).
Weirdest people that you never knew were at Disneyland: So there are these people who collect Disney pins (like the kind you wear) and sit outside a cafe on Main Street for hours at a time, selling, bartering and trading pins. It's like a little Mafia. There's one dude who looks like a cross between Dom DeLuise and Marlon Brando. Seriously strange to watch.
Funniest thing my brother said: At the end of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride (where you end up in Hell, seriously, not very kid friendly), my brother says casually, "Hey, I'm not supposed to be here!"
Best thing we did that my brother thought would be super cheesy: Billy Hill and the Hillbillies. Super fun show. Lots of talent, lots of laughs and just good old fashion fun.
Best place to be for fireworks: In front of the Magic Kingdom, but not behind Walt Disney's statue(2 hours before these seats are filled) or right at the intersection between Tomorrowland, Main Street, Adventureland and the lane leading up to the Magic Kingdom(we were here an hour early and it was great).

Pictures to come...

Helpful, yet humorous travel tips

2009-05-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

Daniel Pink is just one of my favorite authors ever. Yeah, what he writes is good, but he blogs and speaks an awful lot and he is intelligent and super funny. If you haven't read A Whole New Mind, his fabulous book defending all things right-brained, you need to, it's awesome.

Anyway, Pink has been making informative and funny travel videos for the last few months as he is on the road. From which food court food to avoid to how to travel with kids, the tips are always interesting and have that certain "Pink" flair. His latest from today is a classic. Enjoy!

Pink's Travel Tips -- Tip#8 from DHP on Vimeo.

Learning new things...

2009-05-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Besides learning German, there is a host of new things I will have to learn in order to avoid becoming the "ugly American" in town.

Here are just a few:

Sort trash...I mean, sort trash, not just recycling. Germany is very green and one commentator said that Germany's second hobby behind drinking beer is sorting trash.
Bike. I will be cycling to work. Once again, Germany is very green.
Not take work home. It's a "no-no" in German culture. You work hard, get your work done, go home and have fun. Working overtime is seen as being inefficient and lazy.
Smile less and do not "overshare". Unlike Americans who automatically become friends with just about anyone ("Wow, you juggle chainsaws while reciting the Declaration of Independence? Here's my phone number! Let's have lunch!"), Germans are traditionally more guarded.
Be open to very blunt advice. It's Germany. It's normal to them.

Just like any culture change, I'm sure it will take time, but I'm trying to prepare myself as much as possible so I'm not super cranky. Thankfully, I found this blog by an American from North Carolina who's lived in Germany for several years now. I think my favorite post was this one, on how to not dress like an American in Europe. Awesomely funny!

What the future holds...

2009-05-18T21:20:00.000-07:00

From my high school memory book, senior year (2000-2001):

What will you be doing in 10 years?

My response: Probably teaching high school students since I promised I would never teach high school students...

Whoa.

Video Preaching!

2009-05-17T14:26:00.000-07:00

I'm stoked! My pastor, Art Evans, is doing live video teaching Wednesday nights at 7PM (Pacific time) and Sunday morning 11:AM (Pacific time)! Which means, you'll probably be able to see the back of my head on Wednesday nights. I usually sit in the second row.

Anyway, here was today's awesome sermon on how Jesus heals the brokenhearted. You will be blessed!

Where are you getting your bread?

2009-05-14T21:54:00.000-07:00

I've been very privileged to sit under the teachings of my pastor, Art Evans. He's awesome, mostly in that 75% of his sermons are quoting Scripture. I've got a backlog of sermon notes I want to blog on, but thought I'd start with this one from Luke 11 as Jesus is telling a parable:

⁵Then he said to them, "Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, 'Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, ⁶because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him.'

⁷"Then the one inside answers, 'Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything.' ⁸I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness^a]">[a] he will get up and give him as much as he needs."

1. You, by yourself, have nothing to give. "a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him." We're like the man who has no bread. By ourselves, we really have nothing to offer. If I'm just counting on my own smarts, my own experiences, and my insight to help people then I'm in trouble.

2. You have to get your bread from Him. The only way the man was able to feed his friend was because the neighbor gave him "as much as he needs". He sought out the neighbor and was annoying enough that it caused the neighbor to act. How much more will God, who is our Father and Friend, act on our behalf and give us what we need so that we, in turn, can feed others!

3. You get bread from Him to give to others. The man didn't get bread to feed himself or his family. He got bread to help his friend. Even if we think, "Gee, I'm feeling holy today. I don't need to read my Bible," it's not for you! You are getting "bread" to share with others. Now interesting enough, when the man did get bread, he got "as much as he needs" meaning even though it was for his friend, his family did not go hungry.

So press on! Keep asking, keep reading His Word because without His "bread", we have nothing to give.

Unexpected gift

2009-05-07T20:22:00.000-07:00

In January while in London, I found myself saying, "God, this is enough! You don't have to do anymore than this! This is more than I hoped for!" From meeting an amazing new friend to being affirmed to being forced by a snowstorm (Act of God!) to spend two extra days in London, I just could not believe that God would bless so abundantly.

Well, here I am again. I have my dream job. And God is working out details in ways I never expected or even asked for. Traditionally, one of the most difficult aspects of moving to Germany is housing. It's scarce, you don't know what is typical for the area and it is expensive. My school said they would help me search, but I wasn't looking forward to the whole search.

God knew that. I got an email three weeks ago from my school secretary saying that two single teachers were moving out of their flats (apartments) and were wondering if I would like one of them. Woohoo! Both were nice, but it was this email that clenched it for me:

I'm glad that Gerhild asked you to write. I was actually going to ask Cathie if it was ok for me to contact you to give you some insider information. I'm not sure where you are from but I believe she told me you were from California as well.

"As well." I couldn't believe it. He, Evan, is from California, went to UC Irvine and surfed in San Diego. He gets me. He gets the culture I'm coming from. Not only that, his flat is 100 euros cheaper than the other one, is on the first floor and has a renovated kitchen. That in and of itself would have been more than enough.

But God wasn't done.

Since then, Evan has emailed me about 10 times, giving me insider hints on where to buy a used bike, what cell phone company to use, what to pack, etc. Everything I wanted to know, but didn't know who to ask.

What a blessing. God, this is enough! No more blessing! I can't take it anymore! :-)

Learning the language...

2009-05-04T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have four months to learn German...in southern California! You must understand the hilarity of my situation. I live in San Diego, California, a mere 20 minutes from Mexico. I live in a community of mostly immigrants from Iraq which means my neighbors speak Assyrian, Aramaic, Kurdish and Arabic. Our immediate neighbors of 18+ years speak Greek and Czech. Our community college gives classes on Spanish, French, Italian, Assyrian/Aramaic/Arabic and Kumeyaay(our local Native American dialect). But no German.

So it's just me, the library and the internet. And you know what? I'm a little disappointed.

Before you start shouting, "Rosetta Stone!", realize that the program is $600 and consists mostly of vocabulary. Even when I had free access last year to R.S. through a friend's library account, I got bored fairly easily and remember almost nothing.

So far here's what I've discovered about language programs:
1. If it has fun games and cool graphics, it's just vocabulary.
2. If it has good grammar information, it's boring and dry.
3. If it has fun games, cool graphics and good grammar information, it will cost you a month's worth of rent.

But after looking for over a month, here are the resources that seem to be working out okay:

Book: really old conversation textbook from the 70's a friend loaned me. So the spelling hasn't been updated yet(did you know German people decided to standardize their spelling in '96? That's crazy!), but I can deal with that. It's good solid grammar and reading practice.
Web: www.babbel.com A great web site for learning and reviewing vocabulary and common phrases. It keeps track of what you've gone over and has you review every two days.
Web: http://www.deutsch-lernen.com/ Free online grammar course that goes over the basics and gives you a chance to practice. Did I mention it was free?
Web: http://www.lingorilla.com/frontpage It must be good because the web site is completely in German! You watch a video and then do exercises based on grammar concepts in the video.
Web: www.youtube.com Yes, Youtube! I found some easy language videos that a bunch of university students in Muenster made that are fun and informative. You get to hear real people speak.

There are other more advanced programs I'll have access to once I get the basics down and there are plenty of web sites I can read for information (reading the T-Mobile website to try to figure out what cell plan to get is insane!). But for now, I'll plug along and hopefully by the time I get to Germany I'll be able to sound respectable!

Tschüss!

Moving forward

2009-05-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe it has already been a month since getting my job in Germany. It has been surreal. My church often talks about how we get paradigms or thought patterns stuck in our brain and how we need to seek God to help us renew our minds and get into new paradigms and thought patterns that He has created in us.

I found this happening to me this month. After nearly two years of job searching, I still found myself with the old paradigms. I would catch myself checking the same websites for job openings and then go, "Wait a minute! I already have a job!" I had received a gift from God so great, but my mind was still back in old patterns, out-dated worries and non-existent problems. How often does that happen to Christ-followers today. You've been saved from death, hell and the grave and yet, we sometimes still feel like we don't deserve it, we're not worthy, "Well, I just don't feel saved." Thank God, His salvation doesn't ride on our feelings! You're saved! He's already done the heavy lifting so live! Live as if you have been saved from death, hell and the grave!

You know what it took to destroy some paradigms? Two things: His Word and praise. If I'm not reading the Bible every day, I mean really reading the Bible, not just skimming, I'll fall back into those old thought patterns just like that. Also, I need to praise Him daily, one the who gave me this awesome job! I've been telling everyone I know about His goodness, His faithfulness, His timing, His glory, etc. and when your conversations are dominated by that, your brain cannot hold on to those old thoughts. When you praise God, He shows up in a big way.

So, what paradigms do you need God's power to slay today? Start reading and start praising!

Sisters across the ocean

2009-04-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

Many of you know from this post how passionate I am about Acholi Beads. In fact, six out of 7 days a week, I'm probably wearing Acholi Beads. The amazing thing about this company is that it reminds you that there are people behind the clothes you wear, the food you eat and the things you buy. I don't buy beads made in a strange factory. I buy beads that are made by specific women who are not different from you and me in their hope to better themselves and their families.

James Pearson who started Acholi Beads has just posted this wonderful video showing exactly how these sisters across the ocean are being empowered to earn real money and help their families.

Acholi Beads Glimpse: Stepping Stones from James Pearson on Vimeo.

Guten tag! Wie geht es Ihnen?

2009-04-15T17:07:00.000-07:00

Well, details are slowly being realized with my new job so I thought I'd share what I know so far.
I will be teaching 4th grade at the International School of Augsburg. The school is fairly international in the staffing. I will be one of the only Americans among English, Aussie, Kiwi and German colleagues. The students are almost all German children whose parents wanted them to have an international education in English. The class size is capped at 15 students! Woohoo! I've already talked to my fellow 4th grade teacher, Sarah, and she is an experienced teacher who sounds absolutely wonderful.I will be living in lovely Augsburg, Germany, the third-largest city in the German state of Bavaria. Augsburg is only 30 minutes outside of Munich or München which is home of Oktoberfest. No worries that I may become a non-stop party animal as I tend to run from large crowds of tourists with beer. Augsburg is also 3 hours from Salzburg, Austria which is known for two things: 1. Mozart was born there 2. The Sound of Music was filmed there. Augsburg is also near Switzerland and Northern Italy.So needless to say I am very excited to work at an excellent school in a great location. I do not know yet when I'm leaving, but most likely sometime in August. In the meantime, I'm frantically learning as much German as I possibly can!

So for now, Auf Wiedersehen!

I have a job!

2009-04-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

Praise Jesus! I have a job teaching 4th grade in Germany next year! I will be teaching at the International School of Augsburg!

More details to come...

Thank you for all your prayers!

Feeling little again

2009-03-28T17:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder about my high schoolers. They surprise me every day.

After the great success of Infinitives! The Musical, Luiz brought in a rolly-polly bug. Luiz wanted to know the English name for this bug so I told him the official name (Pill Bug) and the informal name (Rolly-Polly Bug) which evidently in BrazillianPortuguesEnglish becomes "Rolly Bug". He played with it for about 10 minutes, then Cindy ran around the room with it chasing Vivian.

As class got started, rolly bug officially earned the name "Yang Jr." Yang was not amused. Yang Jr. became a part of our class that day even to the point where Luiz would ask, "Now Yang Jr., what do you think the answer is?"

During a review game, Eric noticed that Yang Jr. had stopped moving to which Luiz said in his laid-back life approach, "Ohhh, heez jus' resting."

Sure enough, Yang Jr. crawled over to their team sign and the boys claimed he was a lucky charm especially after they won.

After the bell rang, Yang Jr. just became another pill bug on the grass and my students remembered they were 17 and 18 again, not supposed to have rolly bugs for pets and moved on with their lives.

Yep, they definitely surprise me.

School fun!

2009-03-28T17:02:00.000-07:00

I had too much fun in school this week.

The highlight was an activity I did with my students called, "Miss Ernst is too tired to teach so learn it yourself". That's not the official title, but still you get the just of it. Now you must understand I teach advanced grammar...really boring advanced grammar so I have to trick my brain (and my students' brains) into thinking advanced English grammar is exciting.

My students had 45 verbs to memorize that accompany infinitives. 45. Ugh.

So I gave them 20 minutes, colored paper, markers and said, "Make something that will help your classmates remember these for the test."

What I didn't expect was Infinitives! The Musical, an impromptu production created and performed by my students.

Act I was Luiz, Sean and Yang. Luiz (my sassy Brazilian) sang an infinitive-infused love song, Sean(your average Korean side-kick) beatboxed and Yang (my resident Communist and eternal pessimist) did his best Milli-Vanilli dance moves.

Act II was James, Andrew, Daniel and Eric. James and Andrew provided back-up vocals for the "Twinkle-twinkle, little star" introduction which then dove head-first into Eric's (unassuming, lisping Eric) gansta-rap backed up by none other than Daniel(quiet, polite, respectful) who added his own mix of Flava-Flav/Koolaid man interludes in his deep bass voice. "OH yeaaah..." I didn't hear the first half of it because I was laughing so hard.

Act III was Meg, Sunnie and Cindy (I'm not making this up) who sang their ABC song with verb lyrics, looking excessively cute as usual.

It is now the stuff of legend. And all because I let them have control of their own learning. I wonder how many students during their test will be mouthing "oh yeah".

Is God Enough?

2009-03-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, Pastor Art was out of town and the children's pastor, Bobby, preached. I knew Bobby was nervous about his first opportunity to preach Sunday morning and so I prayed that God would give him a Word, not just a word, but a WORD from God. Little did I know, it was a Word for me. Here's what Pastor Bobby preached on:

Job 13:15
Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him

Think about Job's life. He lost everything. He lost his finances, his family, his fitness(health) and his face(his reputation). He lost it all. Yet, he still said, "I know God did this. Heck, He could even kill me. But I will still hope in Him."

Wow.

Here are three questions that Pastor Bobby brought up with accompanying thoughts:

1. Can God be trusted while you are submerged in suffering?
Faith may not be a way out of trouble. It may be a way to endure trouble.
Faith is not receiving from God what you want. Faith is accepting from God what He gives you.

2. Can God be trusted when you are forsaken by friends?
Job 19:13-19
Psalm 41:9
Psalm 55:12-13

3. Can God be trusted when you are dismayed by darkness?
Remember, Job never read the book of Job. He didn't know the backstory. He didn't really know what was going on. He only saw part of the picture. Job never got the answers he wanted.
"Why" is God's question. "How" is ours. How will I respond?
Isaiah 50:10-11
¹⁰ Who among you fears the LORD
and obeys the word of his servant?
Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.

¹¹ But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches,
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment.

When in darkness, don't light your own torch!

A new way to give

2009-02-15T21:49:00.000-08:00

So I don't often get super excited about things. However, when I do, I get REALLY excited!

Kiva is one of those things. I was introduced to the organization by family friends. Kiva is not a charity, it's a microloan organization. They work with field partners all around the world that give people loans to fund their business. It's not charity, it's a loan so it is expected to be paid back to you. It has a powerful effect though.

You get to choose who you would like to fund, research the field partners for risk and then loan as little as $25.

Currently, I'm helping a beauty salon and grocery store in Nigeria and a food stall in Ghana. These are real women with real ambition to bring their family out of poverty and send their children to school.

You can also be a part of teams, or small communities of loaners with similar interests. I'm part of Kiva Christians and it's amazing the dialogue people have, sharing all the organizations out there to give.

It's amazing how fast projects are funded, usually within a day. Sometimes, they even have trouble when people want to lend, but there are not enough borrowers!

If you're interested in helping out, you can go to Kiva's main site, www.kiva.org or if you would like more information, watch this video from a Kiva volunteer that explains the process.

Shorts snippets of goodness

2009-02-15T21:40:00.000-08:00

This is from my single's Bible study a few weeks back.

What your focus is on determines your fruit.
What your fruit is determines if you will be fulfilled or just stuffed.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Listen to the Lord in all you do and wherever you go
Matthew 6:33 Steep yourself in God thoughts, God-reality-->you won't miss out.
Philippians 3:13-14 Your prize is a relationship with God. He is my reward!

Promotion

2009-02-15T21:23:00.000-08:00

Time to catch up on some great encouragement I've received at church in the last few weeks:

Godly promotion--you don't promote yourself, your boss doesn't promote you, God is the one who promotes you (or demotes you).

Psalm 75:6-7 "

⁶ No one from the east or the west
or from the desert can exalt a man.

⁷ But it is God who judges:
He brings one down, he exalts another."

Everything we do is unto God-->this is true freedom!

Hebrews 4:13--God judges from the inside out. Doesn't matter what you do publicly, it's what's going on privately.

1. Be found content with what you have and where you are

1 Timothy 6:6 "But godliness with contentment is great gain."
Ecclesiastes 4:6 "Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind."
How do you expect God to move you forward when you're not content with where He has placed you right now?

2. Be found dependable and teachable

If you're dependable to everyone except God, something's wrong. If you will show up at every meeting on time, every obligation on time, but refuse to spend time in God's Word or push it to the side, something is wrong.
Promotion comes with obedience

3. Be found honest

Don't demand something that is not yours.
When others say, "Oh that's just fine," God is saying, "No, that's not fine. It's not okay to take that stapler. It's not okay to take that paper. It's NOT yours!"
Pastor Art shared an amazing story from his own life when he (while in the ministry) stole merchandise from his employer. He was unable to be promoted, to get a job, or even succeed in the ministry until he had called his employer and repaid what he had taken.
Proverbs 16:11 (Amplified) "A just balance and scales are the Lord's; all the weights of the bag are His work [established on His eternal principles]."

4. Be found excellent

Reflect the character of God and His nature.
Excellence has NOTHING to do with performance. Look at the life of Daniel (Daniel 1:16-21) He outlasted numerous kings and three kingdoms!
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

London, baby!

2009-02-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

I figured I couldn't really contain all that London had to hold in one blog so I started on just for my trip at

http://stuckinlondon.blogspot.com

Come read about my trip, the cool people I met (I even found Skot online! I feel like I know someone semi-famous!) and the amazing things that God did.

I'll be posting as much as I can today and then trying to add more each day.

See you there!

I'm in London!

2009-01-30T08:58:00.000-08:00

Please pray for me as I go through this job fair. I only got one hour of sleep on the plane and I have a lot to do today!

I'll update you as soon as I can from this internet cafe.

Much love!

Testimonies--Phyllis

2009-01-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

You can hear Phyllis a mile away. You can see her too. At over 6 feet, she's an imposing force to be reckoned with.

Saved by Jesus from a difficult childhood, taken out of the hood, she has amazing elegance and tons of sass.

Phyllis weaves magical phrases in her conversation such as "I was a kid at a candy store on crack!"

You got to love Phyllis.

As part of our study, one member Jennifer, was sharing how she was struggling to understand God's will. She was looking for a job and things just weren't happening.

Phyllis started to share her story of how she came out of the hood, how she was taken by God from job to job, gaining experience and wisdom. One week she drove her car on empty, a full week and God kept that tank full.

One time she was working a 20 hour a week job and she had 40 hour a week expenses, but she never stopped tithing and she was never late in a payment. God always provided.

As Phyllis teared up remember these things, she looked at Jennifer and started weeping. Through her tears she said, "You're it. You're the reason I went through these things. I know it. You need to hear this right now, don't you?"

Jennifer who was crying by now, nodded her head. Her faith was built up and Phyllis was reminded that she did not suffer in vain. God had a plan and a purpose for everything.

Update on Riley

2009-01-28T17:02:00.000-08:00

Good news for Riley! The tumors are not malignent! They are pseudotumors, a serious side-effect from his transplant he had earlier.

Riley is still very sick as these pseudotumors have cupped his liver and surrounded his aorta and inferior vena cava. Please continue to pray for his complete healing.

Our God is a God who Heals!

Divine Appointment

2009-01-28T16:38:00.000-08:00

I think the best thing about my new small group that I attend is that it meets in a popular college coffeeshop. Not only is there a plethora of goodies to be shared, but everyone within hearing distance hears about Jesus. And anyone within a block hears Phyllis. But that's another post...

This past Sunday we had 11 of us crammed around a long table. Our topic was "What is faith?", not a pat, Sunday School answer kind of study. We delved into real applications of what faith is and what it looks like in our lives. I'll share a bit later some of the amazing testimonies that were shared.

But about one hour into the study, two young men came up to us and said, "Are you a Bible study?" Shocked we said, "Uh, yeah."
"Can we join you?" he said, holding up his well-worn Bible.
"Of course!" we all said.
So D'juan and Hynik joined us. And their story was amazing.

The men are brothers, both working hard at a new church plant in the area. They were coming to the coffeeshop to talk and read the Word together. As they were walking in the door, Hynik talked about his desire to be able to step out in faith and really trust God with his finances. As they were standing in line to get coffee, they heard people talking about these "loud people in the back" and went to investigate.

Hynik needed to hear about faith and trusting God. And we were talking about the exact. same. thing. Not only that, but members were able to give him specific encouragement and advice that helped him exactly where he was at.

That was just one of many amazing God moments from that night.

So be open to divine appointments. God works through lattes and old worn tables and loud people, laughing and praising Jesus.

Today we witnessed history

2009-01-20T17:05:00.000-08:00

Every year I taught elementary school I looked out onto a class of children that reminded me I live in America. I can count on both hands the number of white children I've taught. The majority of my students were Hispanic, African-American(or African), Iraqi or Afghani and a mixture of just about every combination possible. I didn't teach races, I taught kids, but many of these kids didn't understand their history, hadn't seen anyone like them in a history book and didn't have a lot of heroes to look up to.

Every year I taught a unit about the Civil Rights Movement. We read Langston Hughes and Maya Angelou, we sang and danced to spirituals and African praise songs. We wept over the horror of the slave trade, ran with Harriet Tubman on the Underground Railroad, and road the bus with the Freedom Riders around our classroom. We read The Watsons Go to Birmingham--1963, one of the best kids' books out there. We watched Dr. King preach Jesus and freedom and Jesus some more. I had 10 year-olds that wept for 10 minutes after watching the "I've Been to the Mountaintop" speech. When Dr. King finished with "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord!" I had kids cheering and jumping up and down. In a public school.

So today as I watched the swearing in on TV, I remember every child I've taught and I just want to hold them and say, "Look! Look what's happened right here in your lifetime! Look what YOU can do! Look who YOU can become!"

I remembered every firsthand account we read by a former slave, every picture of those precious girls from Birmingham that lost their lives going to Sunday School, and everything in me wants to rejoice! We are not done yet, but I rejoice with those who are rejoicing today.

This is huge.

We are witnessing history.

Pray for Riley

2009-01-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

Hi all.

Our family found out some devistating news this week. One of my mom's students who has been battling leukemia for years and was finally healthy. This week he was taken back to the hospital. He is one of my mom's favorite students. Recently the local newspaper, San Diego Union Tribune, did a two-page spread on Riley and his recovery. When they went to interview him, they wanted to go to his favorite class, my mom's band class. Here is the newspaper report and here is the report from Riley's teacher:

"Riley Spiering is a 10 year old, 5th grade student at Christian Elementary School West. He was diagnosed with Leukemia when he was in kindergarten and has only been able to attend school intermittently since that time. His mother has homeschooled him when he has been well enough. We have all been so excited to have Riley at school this year, but sadly, he has had a
recent major set back.

Riley now has a form of lymphoma (yet to be determined what form), several cancerous tumors around his kidney, and one in his liver. There will be more tests throughout the week to determine if there are more tumors and how to treat all of this. The Spierings have four other
boys. This is very heavy for them to hear after a time of rejoicing in Riley’s health. Please bathe this family and our little Riley in prayer. He is at Children’s Hospital, and his mom told me he will probably start chemotherapy on Friday."

Please pray for Riley. He loves Jesus and is simply a joy. Please pray for comfort for his parents and brothers and for all his classmates and teachers who love him dearly.

Veggie Training

2008-12-29T06:01:00.000-08:00

Bob and Larry were not harmed in the writing of this blog

I've been training for the past few months, not for a marathon or anything specific. No, I'm in veggie training.

I finally realized I'm WAY too picky as an eater and I need to force myself to like more vegetables. I mean I'm an adult for goodness sake. I need to grow up and refine my palate.

So here are the vegetables that I have conquered so far:

Pickle

Squash

Asparagus

Split peas

Lentils (not really a veggie, more of a legume, but you get the picture)

Eggplant

I am still working on:

Tomatoes (uncooked)

Onions (uncooked)

Cucumbers

Raw broccoli

Celery

Kale

So I'll keep at it, using different spices and literally forcing myself to eat healthier. Amazingly, if you put your mind to it, you can actually eat things that are good for you and like them as well.

London Calling!

2008-12-29T06:00:00.000-08:00

*Cue cheesy song from The Clash*

I'm goin' to London, baby!

From January 30-February 2, I'll be in London for the CIS recruitment fair. I went to one last year in Seattle and it didn't turn out well for several reasons. So this year, I'm really letting God do His thing and lead me where He wants me.

Frankly, I'm just excited to go to London even if it is for only one weekend. Mostly because I get to go to church here:

Woohoo! Seriously, even if I don't get a job, I'm super excited to worship in a vibrant and exciting church that is doing amazing things in the city of London.

I will also be eating my weight in these:

There is nothing like Marks & Spencer's All Butter Shortbread Fingers, NOTHING!

So if you think of it, please pray for me to have wisdom and ears to hear what God wants for me.

Submission

2008-12-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

I don't like to submit...ever. Growing up in the church climate I did, "submission" took on the connotation of "Shut up, I'm a man and know better" so I have never had a friendly relationship with anything resembling submission.

My natural inclination is, "Hmm...I know how to fix this, let me fix this and I don't care where I am in the chain of command." So, I've been working on the pride issue and the selfishness issue and come to find out it all has to do with submission to Christ and not "running interference". I've been learning to let God do His thing in the life of others without me butting in and trying to do everything myself.

Enter serving at a new church and a new children's ministry. I've been part of a very successful children's ministry in the past that ran five services, had hundreds of kids and small groups and games and life application and joy and...you get the picture. But I'm not the children's pastor. So I have a choice:
1. Be obnoxiously self-centered, expounding on how I know how children's ministry can be successful and here is a five step process to get to that goal and let's start today.
2. Serve humbly and pray for my pastor to have wisdom.

For once, I went with option #2 (*ding ding*) and guess what? Pastor Bobby comes to me today and starts telling me about this exciting new kid's curriculum we are starting with small groups and games and life application and joy and...yeah, I almost bawled. I never said a word to Pastor Bobby about changing the curriculum to meet the needs of our kids, but God did something much more powerful and taught me an important lesson.

Submission. Real. True. Submission.

Fruitful

2008-12-19T18:41:00.000-08:00

Continuing on our series of “2009 being the most focused, fruitful and fulfilling year we’ve ever had”, Pastor Art Evans talked about being fruitful.

· John 15—without Him, we can do nothing.

o Ask yourself, “How much of my life do I live without Jesus in it?”

· Luke 13:6—when we don’t bear fruit, we are cut down

o In the parable, thank God for the vinedresser (Jesus) who says, “Just one more year”!

o What did the vinedresser do?

§ Dug up the ground around it—what junk in your life do you need to have Jesus “dig up”?

§ Fertilized it—live in faith through “crappy” circumstances

· To be fruitful, you have to be faith-filled.

· Root out the bad fruitàliving for pleasure, living for personal gain, living for the flesh

· Plant a new seed in your lifeàthe Word

· Psalm 1:1-3: Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.

o What would it be like to know that what you do every day will be lasting, it won’t wither and that everything you do prospers?

o How do become that fruitful? “delight in the law of the Lord AND meditate on it day and night”.

Faith

2008-12-19T18:37:00.000-08:00

Pastor Art Evans on faith:

· Hebrews 11:1—What is faith? Having a conviction that what you hope for will happen and what has not been revealed through our senses is a reality.
· We whine and say, “Look at my problems!” and God responds, “Look at My promises!”
· God says, “Your limitations are not a problem for me. But your doubt is.”
· Build up a reservoir of faithàwhen problems come, you’re ready.
· “I don’t need to read the Bible today because I’m feeling holy” No, but someone else might need a word and you need to be filled to overflowing.
· Jesus walking on water: “That’s just how I roll”.
· Focus on God while the “mountains” are there. Matthew 14àthe winds and the waves were still there, but faith superseded the natural.
· Hebrews 12:2 (Amplified): “Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher, [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Focus

2008-12-19T18:35:00.000-08:00

The church I attend, San Diego Christian Worship Center, is going through an exciting season. Pastor Art Evans has been preaching on the church’s vision for 2009 which is: “2009 will be the most focused, fruitful and fulfilling year we’ve ever had.”

His first message on being focused was incredible. Here are some highlights:

· On the subject of focus in the purpose of our church: “Think of a target. The bull’s eye is the focal point, but you need the rings to gain your focus and know what’s most important. You don’t ignore the rings, but they are not your target.”

· Ephesians 1:17—“wisdom and revelation” We need both, not one or the other.

· Ephesians 1:18

1. Hope of your callingàPurpose

2. Riches of His gloryàProvision

3. Greatness of His poweràPower

4. Purpose + Provision + Power = Partnership

· Matthew 16

· Verse 16: Who is Jesus?

· Verse 17: You have to see Jesus yourself

· Verse 18: Peter means “pebble”. Jesus is saying you’re a part of the Rock(Jesus) and when you are part of My plan even the gates of Hell won’t conquer you.

· Nehemiah 6:3—Nehemiah is building the walls and two leaders of the surrounding area were trying to “harm” Nehemiah. “Harm” here means “distract” or “distort”.

· Nehemiah’s response: “NO, I will NOT come down” Don’t get distracted. Don’t let your purpose be distorted.

Speechless

2008-12-05T17:06:00.000-08:00

For an English teacher to run out of words is a fairly serious thing. I have literally run out of “excitement” words at this point. “Hooray” seems too cheap. “Yay” is more like “Yay, I found my socks” and “Huzzah!” is much too Pirates of the Caribbean.

Nevertheless I cannot tell you how excited I am that two of the dearest bloggers and sisters in Christ you have ever met received VERY EXCITING NEWS THIS WEEK!

Both the Gumms and the Slonigers are leaving next week to bring home their kids from Ethiopia!

Please pray for their safety, their health, and their kids (both here and in Ethiopia) as they travel.

You can meet the two new Gumms here and the newest Sloniger here.

Acholi Beads

2008-11-21T16:40:00.001-08:00

There are a few things in life that I am truly passionate about, that I will talk your ear off about. One of them is Acholi Beads.
If you do not know the story of Acholi Beads, please take the time to read about this amazing initiative. James Pearson is a family friend and his heart for the people of Uganda is enormous. It touches everyone he meets, I being one of those people.

If you're looking for a Christmas gift that will make a tangible difference in someone's life, go check out the handiwork of some lovely women who are escaping poverty, lack and hopelessness because you are wearing their beads and sharing their story.

The School of Prayer

2008-11-16T17:48:00.001-08:00

So I got behind in blogging and now you're just getting a whole slew (isn't "slew" a great word!) of blogs that have been sitting in my edit post pile for a while.

Pastor Art on Wednesday night does what he calls The School of Prayer. It's a time of teaching devoted solely to prayer. Now some people might say, "Well, it's just prayer. I mean no one has to teach me what to do. I just talk to God." That's what I thought too. Until Wednesday night. Here are some quotes that blew me away:

-James 1: 5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

-Maybe the reason your prayers never get answered is because you are a "double-minded man".

-Stop asking God without believing He can do it! You must ask with faith! Many of us still pray "double-minded" prayers.

-God has asked us to come to Him with all our mind, spirit, soul, and strength. When one of those parts of us is not focused on God, we are double-minded.

-If someone watched you pray without hearing your words, would they know you were praying? Does your body posture match your prayers?

-The reason God's people criticize God's church and its leaders is because their prayers aren't getting answered so they turn to people to meet their spiritual needs.

-Jesus' number one command to us was to love God with your WHOLE being.

-You've been bought by blood, not rented.

-You're not your own anymore. You can't just say what you want. You can't just do what you want anymore.

-If you're living by the Spirit, you crave the Word.

-A lot of times we say to God, "Love yah, mean it, bye!" and then wonder why are prayers aren't answered.

-Prayer is not a holy grenade thrown at the last minute.

Getting the whole picture

2008-11-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

I was reminded in a big way today that we only see half the picture. No, not even half. We see 1/200th of the picture when it comes to the reality of other people's lives.

Because I'm the advanced ESL teacher at school, I get the opportunity to help students edit their personal essays for college applications. So I sat down tonight to go over one student's essay and I just about cried. Her life was so much different than I had imagined. I knew she came from a poor country. I knew that she was a motivated young woman. But I had missed everything in between, the whole picture of her life, the whole, completely devastating picture of her everyday existence.

It reminded me of how we tend to make judgements about people even thought we do not know the whole picture. A co-worker is snippy to us and we automatically tag them as a mean, spiteful person. A family member forgets to do something for us and we assume they don't really love or care for us.

We're not seeing the full picture. We're not seeing that the co-worker just came out of the boss's office discovering her workload had just increased 10 fold with no extra compensation. We're not seeing how someone belittled our family member so on the drive home all they thought about was the negative words said to them, not the list of to-dos.

But as you well may know we can't simply withhold judgement from anyone. That's impossible. But we can ask for the whole picture, ask the One who sees everything to give us His eyes and His ears. Something amazing happens when we ask for this...life becomes less about us and our feelings and becomes more about serving and loving and speaking life into the lives of those around us.

Lord, today I'm asking for the whole picture. I want to see with Your eyes and hear with Your ears.

"What are those crazy white people doin' now?"

2008-10-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

I love my new church. I'm getting to know people and I just got hooked into a new small group. CWC is definitely a multi-ethnic church, in fact, most of the kids I have for Kid's Church are African American.

So Sunday was my first small group. And I met Alex. Alex cracks me up. He's just Alex. God-filled, slightly random, dreadlocks flying everywhere and hysterical. Here's a story he told in the middle of Bible study:

"So today we were at the beach and I was taking a nap and when I woke up, there were these people who had taken the volleyball net down and put up a tighrope and they were tightrope walking...for real! And my first thought, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, was 'What are those crazy white people doin' now?'"

I laughed so hard it hurt. He actually went and tried tightrope walking, but well, the rest of the story involves hand gestures, facial expressions and sound effects so you'll just have to wait until I see you again to act it out.

PS: I didn't have the nerve to tell him that random tightrope walking is SO a white person thing since all the Midwestern boys I went to college with would randomly pull out a rope and start doing it.

Homecoming

2008-10-26T15:10:00.001-07:00

Well, Homecoming for my high school was last Saturday so I was able to cash in on the free alumni BBQ as well as get in the game free as a teacher. Woohoo!

Our team won which was exciting since we were playing our archrivals (can two Christian schools really be rivals?). In addition, we crowned the Homecoming King and Queen, saw the class floats and went to the after party...okay, I didn't go to the after party but there was one.

Here are some pictures from last night...okay a picture. Me with my signature "Don't blink, don't blink, oh nuts, I blinked!" look and two of my lovely students.

High School Blues

2008-10-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

So unlike teaching 5th grade where I just listened to the 20 minute play by play of a soccer game, in high school, I'm expected to go to the games. Now I like sports, I'm not a hater, but I get bored very easily and I don't really know anyone at the games.

Both a blessing and a curse, the international students have a difficult time getting into sports due to the high liability so I only have a few students in sports.

Last night I went to J's game. He's #84. And this is what I saw...

Yep. That's it. He stood on the sidelines the whole time. I felt bad. I mean, you can't come up and say, "Good job! You stood so well the whole time!" and it's awkward to say, "So you not practice or something?" Even more awkward the star player of the JV game also shares the same number so you get really excited only to realize it wasn't J at all.

So I just fall back on the neutral, "Did you see me at the game?" on Monday morning to let him know I was there. Hopefully next time he'll actually play and I'll have something to congradulate him on.

Purpose

2008-10-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

I have not yet achieved "Shaun-like" status

Well, it's been a month since I last posted so I thought I'd catch you (aka Jen!) up on what's been going on in my life and what God's been revealing to me.

Being a part of Palm Valley for three years, I served in the Kid's ministry very faithfully.

Starting to attend a new church, I knew I had to get hooked into the children's ministry right away. Now, you must understand, I worked under several kid's ministers, one of which was Dave Ellis, an incredibly meticulous, detailed kind of guy. The last week I served at PVC we were running 800 kids per weekend. So you can imagine my apprehension walking into the kid's ministry room with 40 kids, three adults, footballs and frisbees flying everywhere.

I made myself helpful and available, open and respectful to the children's pastor and his wife who are new to kid's ministry and completely understaffed. The volunteers who did show up were unbelievably unprepared, literally and spiritually. I was frustrated those first few weeks and often called friends from my old Home Team to gripe.

Finally, Lea, aka my spiritual kick in the rear, said to me something to the effect of, "When else would this church have someone walk in the door who has served in an amazing kid's ministry for three years who is a teacher by profession say to them, 'I'll do anything. Sign me up.' You are there for a purpose that no one else could fill." I was stunned. She was right.

So, I dug it. I was consistent and faithful and finally got a chance to do something as part of the service. You know when you are so used to the mundane that when you see the wonderful, you can't turn back? Well, after the second week of me being part of the service, the children's pastor called all his volunteers and gave them an ultimatum: either you show up prepared and ready to serve these kids or you don't come at all. Next week, no one showed for second service except me.

The last few weeks serving have been amazing. I've learned how to take authority (even if I disagree) and pray for God to move despite problems. And what do you know? God shows up and does His thing. I've learned to be a bit more dramatic, make kids laugh at my expense and preach the Word as much as possible. Although I have not yet achieved Shaun-like status(no prat falls or elaborate costumes yet), I'm finding that I have a laser-sharp focus every Sunday walking in that door.

I'm here to encourage a pastor who was weary and overwhelmed.

I'm here to inspire volunteers to dig in and make service a priority.

I'm here to love on kids who need a hug and know for sure someone notices them.

I'm here to say, "Girl, you look cute!" to the girl with the worst hairdo on the planet

I'm here to hold A tight after his autism spectrum disorder just makes kid's church too hard to handle and he needs to feel safe.

I'm here to make sure the balls from the pool table don't go flying through the window.

I'm here to make sure everyone gets a turn and no one gets left out.

I'm here to be less of me and more of Him.

Because of Who You Are

2008-09-10T19:05:00.001-07:00

A few weeks ago in church, we sang a song called Because of Who You Are. I love it. It's one of those songs you just can't get out of your head because not only is the tune good, but the lyrics are killer.

Often we tend to worship God for all things He's done for us, which is totally Biblical. In fact, a lot of times we forget what God has done and get discouraged and think we can do things in our own strength. But there is something so powerful about just worshipping God for who He is.

Here's the song that's been circling in my head for over two weeks now:

Because of who You are I give you glory
Because of who You are I give you praise
Because of who You are I will lift my voice and say,
'Lord, I worship You because of who You are.'

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider
Jehovah Nissi, Lord You reign in victory
Jehovah Shaalom, my Prince of Peace
And I worship You because of who You are!

Hope Deferred

2008-09-04T22:33:00.001-07:00

When friends come to visit and go to your church with you, usually I have (and have found many other people have) this thought: "Oh God, please help it to be the senior pastor preaching and please let it be good!" Fickle, yes (as if God can't speak through a guest speaker or associate pastor), but so true.

Anyway, Courtney and Lea made the journey across the desert to visit me this weekend and got to come to church with me. And I prayed the prayer, "Oh Lord, please help it to be good."

Haha...it wasn't good. It was life-changing. I'm still blown away and it's five days later.

Please listen. It's worth the time. You will be blessed. And look, my friend Habbakuk showed up again!

Pastor Art Evans: Hope Deferred

I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it...

2008-08-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

One of the coolest parts about serving at Palm Valley for 3 years is you get to know families. I taught 2 out of 3 Gregg kids, 3 out of 4 Rohlingers and 2 out of 3 Slonigers. I have to say I was partial to the last two since they were so fun, but also because their mom, Jen, has a great blog. I've been able to follow their family's journey to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia. It's been a long wait and it's not even my kid!
But today, yes, TODAY WAS THE DAY! They got their referral with the first picture of their son!!!!!
So head on over to Jen's blog to watch the video. It's worth every second.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Standing on holy ground

2008-08-28T19:53:00.000-07:00

There are times in your life when the presence of God completely overwhelms you. In those time, I feel like Moses who had to remove his sandals and later wear a veil because God's glory and power was so evident.

Wednesday morning I had a take-your-sandals-off moment. The high school I'm teaching at is the same one I graduated from 7 years ago. Still, many of the stalwarts, the best of the best, are still there. These are the people that inspired me to teach. These are people who are spiritual giants in my world. And every Wednesday morning they pray before school together. For the first time, I got to sit in on it.

For 30 minutes, I heard the genuine heart-felt cries to God from people I love dearly. I started to cry when I realized I was surrounded on both sides by cancer survivors. Terri was stage 4. She was supposed to be dead 5 years ago. Linn was told there was nothing they could do. And here both of them were, preserved by God for a greater purpose. Then there's Karen who has done nothing but encourage me and laugh with me for two weeks straight. Kris, who I've known for 17 years of my life whose daughters were my friends in tough times, I could go on and on.

I think what the Church today is missing is that overwhelming feeling of real community. Surrounded by a literal "cloud of witnesses" who rely on God for every single breath they take and walk alongside of you. Their lives in everything point directly to the Savior. It's a humbling to life-giving experience.

I feel so blessed and in awe of God's sovereignty. Never would I have thought I could be a part of something as big as this. I am truly thankful and know that next week, I need to wear sandals.

Lessons learned from my first week as a high school teacher

2008-08-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

1. High school teaching means short, intense bursts of creative genius
In elementary school, I had 6 hours in which to impart knowledge. In high school, I'm a 50 minute segment in a long stretch of information. It has to be memorable and concise. In other words, I have to be smart and quirky. There has to be a hook that by the end of the day when they are doing their homework, they'll go, "Oh, I remember that. Miss Ernst explained what adultery was. THAT was awkward."
PS: We're reading The Scarlet Letter so I'm not a complete perv.

2. In high school, they talk back...in a good way.
I'm used to elementary kids talking back in inappropriate ways. High school kids (at least my fabulous Korean and Chinese kids) talk back and make me laugh. Case in point: I was told by an administrator I talk too fast for ESL students. So I talked slower. And here was the conversation that ensued:
Sam: Miss Ernst, where are you from?
Me: San Diego, but I've lived in a lot of different places.
Sam: Why do you talk so slow?
Me: Hahaha...should I talk faster?
Sam: YES!
Me: How'boutthis? ShouldItalkthisfast? Canyouunderstandme? Yagoodyagood?
Sam: (laughing) YES, YES!!

3. I can have conversations that have nothing to do with Hannah Montana.
Thank God. I can have real conversations during passing periods. I can sympathize with their frustration at not knowing where anything is. I remember what it was like to forget your homework assignment on the first day and feel like the world had collapsed.

Hopefully I'll continue to learn more about this strange and fun world called high school ESL. My department head has been astounded at how well I've adapted considering I had two days to prepare. I'll keep you updated with any more epiphanies that happen to bonk me on the head.

Now...I'm off to learn my own language so I can teach it...past present progressive tense anyone?

Grandma Jean

2008-08-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Jean passed away a week ago. Her burial was today in Phoenix.

Grandma Jean, me, Grandma and Christian

Technically, she wasn't my "real" grandma, but she really was a grandma to my brother and I. She was my paternal grandmother's best friend and the two of them did shopping trips to San Diego, lunches and all the fun stuff that two gals named Jean and Betty can do in Hemet, California.

Grandma Jean had several loves in her life: playing the organ at church, collecting bells (she had thousands), offering her opinion with a toss of the head and fabulous intonation, rooting for the Dallas Cowboys(she had the official football phone!) and loving Jesus.

Our family is going to miss Grandma Jean a lot. She filled a gap in our family and we filled one in hers. When her daughter-in-law went to put together the pictures for the funeral bulletin, 3 out of 5 of them are of her and our family. Right now I just can't believe that she won't be coming down for her annual birthday dinner at Seaport Village. Or sending me cards with her meticulous handwriting. Or coming down to visit the Christmas tree at the Hotel Del.

Please pray for our family as well as Grandma Jean's family through this time. Especially pray for my grandma. I can't imagine losing your best friend of 30 years. It's going to be hard for her.

God has a sense of humor(aka I have a job!)

2008-08-16T09:32:00.001-07:00

When I graduated from college, I told my mother two things:
1. I would never teach high school
2. I would never teach in her district

Let's just say I've been laughing for the past 24 hours at God's sense of humor. I'd like to think He's laughing along.

I got offered (and accepted) a job yesterday teaching part-time high school English to international students. In my mom's district.

It's crazy reflecting on how perfect this position is. Who else but God would take a 5th grade teacher and plunk her with no experience, no credential in a high school classroom. I start Monday. As in 48 hours.

The class is all set up. The lesson plans are done through the semester. I'm only teaching two classes of advanced students.

My biggest fear was that I wasn't qualified for it. I wrestled with God for a good hour, but decided to take the step of faith and go for it. As I'm looking through the lesson plans and what I'll actually be teaching, it's stunning. It's what I taught in 5th grade.

In elementary, I guess I always thought of myself as an average teacher. I was effective, yes, but never really thought I was anything exceptional. Until last night. When I realized I was teaching my 5th graders high school vocabulary and writing skills. I taught 10 year-olds MLA formatting. I taught a kid who had almost no English language skills how to use the word "juxtapose" correctly in a sentence.

Dang. I'm good.

I'm still looking forward to teaching internationally someday, but how perfect, how terribly and wonderfully perfect is my position right now. It's preparing me for the next step.

I keep reflecting on what Pastor Greg said a few months ago that has just stuck with me:
God will prepare you for what He has prepared for you.

This is true. So very true. God has an amazing sense of humor.

The purpose of prayer

2008-08-08T10:52:00.001-07:00

Deb...what can I say? Deb is awesome. She's the iron that sharpens my iron. The matching pea in my pod. We were having a conversation about prayer Wednesday night when she read to me Wednesday's My Utmost for His Highest reading.

"We too often think of the Cross of Christ as something we have to get through, yet we get through for the purpose of getting into it. The Cross represents only one thing for us— complete, entire, absolute identification with the Lord Jesus Christ— and there is nothing in which this identification is more real to us than in prayer.

'Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him' ( Matthew 6:8 ). Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.

'. . . I do not say to you that I shall pray the Father for you; for the Father Himself loves you . . .' ( John 16:26-27 ). Have you reached such a level of intimacy with God that the only thing that can account for your prayer life is that it has become one with the prayer life of Jesus Christ? Has our Lord exchanged your life with His vital life? If so, then "in that day" you will be so closely identified with Jesus that there will be no distinction.

When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to place the blame on someone else. That is always a trap of Satan. When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason— God uses these times to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you."

I'm still chewing on this. It rocks my view of prayer. Suddenly prayer isn't all about me and my wants and desires, it truly becomes all about Him.

Dealing with Disappointment

2008-08-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

After a week of waiting and praying, several international phone calls and lots of positive feedback, I got a message back from my possible employer. The answer was no.

In some ways I had been preparing myself for that answer
1) because everything seemed too good to be true and
2) because I had been rejected by so many schools before this one.

But on the other hand what makes this such a disappointment was that yesterday was the first day I really let myself dream the "what ifs". What if this really worked out, what would life be like? What if I had to start packing and this and that. I had so many friends and relatives and random people who were so excited for me that it was easy to fall into the "I've got it in the bag" mentality.

And it's hard to go through 6 months worth of rejection then hear that someone is super excited about you and thinks you're wonderful and just perfect but... That's almost worse than the standard "Thanks for applying, but..."

So this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. I have a choice:
1) Give up, second guess God and my calling, fall back into what is comfortably mundane and close off my heart or
2) Cling tightly to God's promises, thank Him for what He's done and listen closely for the next step.

I'm sticking with choice #2 simply because I've seen too many people fall into #1 and live the rest of their lives unhappy, bitter and just generally unfulfilled.

And God, as ironic as He is, gave me what I wanted: the approval of people. And you know what? It still didn't work out.

Anyway, this seems a bit rambling, but so do my thoughts today. Part of me still wants to cling to a job that no longer exists and the other part knows I need to learn my lesson well and move forward.

As Perry Noble said, "God does a work in you before he does a work through you." Apparently, my in isn't done yet.

Pray

2008-07-29T15:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, one day in San Diego and things go crazy!

I had a great phone interview with a school in Europe...I should know by Friday if I have a job or not. Pray for wisdom!
Both my parents fell on Monday and injured themselves. Please pray for complete healing and no complications.
My brother just survived the LA earthquake. Thankfully, nothing was damaged at his job site or apartment.
My aunt has been having medical problems and there is a possibility it is Parkinson's. Please pray for my aunt, Jane and her husband, Mel as well as my mom who is devastated about this possibility.

Philippians 4:4-7 (Remember this is Paul speaking, Paul as in almost stoned to death, run out of town Paul)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

My goodbye party

2008-07-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

My home team gals are wonderful! (See post below) They threw me a surprise going away party. We swam, ate hot dogs and hamburgers which Deb and Jenna bravely risked their lives flipping, ate fabulous Sam’s Club cake and just had a fun time together. The best part of the night was the prayer time we shared together. I have loved praying with these girls for the past year and we have seen God work in weird and miraculous ways. Here are some things I will miss:

Target clearance updates
Movie nights
“Umm…rrrriiiight”
Book of answered prayers
What else but monkeys!
"I saw a big round of cheese and thought of you, Rachel"
Our deep meaningful conversations over coffee/ice cream/food in general
“HAhaHA…”
“Momma like…"
Oreo ba…um…treats
“Deb’s flipping in her Bible, she’s got something good!”
A million and one dance moves of coolness
“I KNOW!”
“I’m high on Jesus!”
Caffeine driven Bible study epiphanies and illustrations
And then Satan says, "SH**! She's awake!"
Booth dancing
“I’m the cream in your Oreo”
Contagious laughter
Red plastic cups
Shower General
Poor Napoleon...
"Heather's been baking yummy things again...:-)"
AMAZING answered prayers...aka, jobs, family, reconciliation, etc.

The Real Deal

Peek-a-boo!

And why are you not in a Home Team?

2008-07-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

One 14’ Uhaul truck: $200 File boxes: $30 Tape: $15
One tray of sandwiches: $28
Friend with buff boyfriend: free
Five home team girls who load your moving truck in less than an hour: priceless!

Everyone should have a friend like Katie.

2008-07-20T15:48:00.000-07:00

I still remember the day Katie Whipple asked me if I would like to go to Duluth and go backpacking with her. I was excited! No one ever asked me to go anywhere fun and I was an out-of-state sophomore with nowhere to go for Fall Break. Granted I had never been camping, hiking or backpacking before, but gee, how hard could it be?

I forgot Katie was the essential "Wilderness Woman", knew how to canoe, speak Ojibwa and wore mukluks. Our backpacking trip was hilarious. We hiked through one of the most difficult trails in Minnesota, I almost passed out with my 50 lb pack, and Katie, the bubbly superwoman she was, carried both of our packs the rest of the way. We cooked cornbread on a rock, used a single candle because we forgot a flashlight, got caught in a rainstorm on the hike out and pulled over by the police because of "speeding". We got off because it was a small town and we were soaked with a wet dog in the backseat. Katie's remark was, "Rachel, if the Queen of England went camping, I think she'd be a lot like you."

Well, anyway, I haven't seen Katie in a while, but we still keep in touch through Facebook. She went to Poland for a year to be a missionary and now she's working as a historical impersonator at a history center and going to seminary. Katie stretched me in so many ways and just makes me want to be more adventurous person in general. I think everyone should have a friend like Katie, one that inspires you to do more, be more, dance more, and dream more. Here's Katie at her best, having fun doing what she loves.

You say HaBAkkuk, I say HAbakkuk

2008-07-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks, I keep circling back to Habakkuk which if you think of it is weird. Most people forget it's a book in the Bible, much less know what it says. It all started with this:

So, it got me curious and sure enough, Habakkuk continues to blow my socks off. After complaining to God, getting an answer, complaining again, getting another answer, here's Habakkuk's final response in Habakkuk 3.

17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.

Wow. After everything, Habakkuk comes back to the heart of the issue: Can you worship God for who He truly is? Can you trust Him enough to know that He will be your strength no matter what the circumstance?

What my life and a plot off of Verrado Way have in common.

2008-07-09T17:13:00.001-07:00

It's hard to sum up what's been going through my head the last few weeks. As my plans for moving back home are finalized, it's hard for me to look to the calendar and see nothing after a certain date.
As a teacher for the past three years, my life has been a continuous stream of planning for "what's next". The next lesson, the next unit, the next skill, getting ideas, researching topics, creating projects and PowerPoints and handouts. Even the summer has always been looking forward to a new building and a new staff (I've moved school buildings 4 times in 3 years and changed staff twice). Suddenly, there's nothing. I went to Joann's today and realized there is no one to buy $1 sticker books for, no use for pre-cut quilting squares or no need to buy clearance bead sets. It's a feeling of not having anything concrete to look forward to.
I'm coming to grips with the fact that my life was wrapped quite tightly around my profession. It drove my schedule, my creativity, my thoughts, and for several years my finances as well. And as with most things you cling to and value above everything else, God rips them from your arms and you come to terms with where you really stand. Surrender is incredibly painful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Surrender is also vital, I'm discovering. I can't claim God as my Everything if I hold back 90% of my life.
What I've found however as part of this process is that it's a war for my heart. I have days where my confidence level with God is sky-high. I feel like I will do anything and go anywhere for Him, that waiting and uncertainty are fun and exciting adventures. But then comes the days like today when a single email can send me reeling and Satan starts his subtle whispering of "God's not going to come through this time," and it takes everything within me to not just give in and agree. This is the point where so many people get taken out, their hearts shackled, their dreams killed and they settle for a distant God and a predictablely mundane future. I know I have to be extremely careful or end up with a trail of destructive, emotionally-driven decisions behind me.
So, that's where I'm at today. Ask me tomorrow, it will probably be different. I'm getting used to the "Work in Progress" me. As I told Lisa yesterday, I feel like our church building. God's laying down the utilities and the sewer pipes. Things are changing radically, but you can't see it yet. He's preparing to build, but He can't do that until the groundwork is laid and the foundation is firm.

Spiritual Maturity

2008-06-26T22:46:00.000-07:00

So this week for Home Team I really wanted to do something from 2 Kings or Acts just because it's been really fun (and bloody) to read. So while preparing for Home Team, I threw out the quick, "Lord, should we do 2 Kings or Acts?" Quite clearly I heard, "Neither". Now this is pretty big since I really wanted to at least touch on Acts. But obviously God had other plans.

I opened up the reading for Psalms this week and came to this:

Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

This is what spiritual maturity looks like. It's no longer a negotiation of "Well, God it's not really sinning is it? I mean, it's not like I killed someone or anything like that." There are no more excuses about so and so or your church not meeting your needs, etc. You step up and say, "Okay God, search me, test me, show me the crap I'm still clinging to and lead me toward freedom."

Randomly today I decided to listen to an older Perry Noble sermon. I never do that. It's just not something that ever crosses my mind, but today I did. What was it on? The title, "Me or Jesus?" intrigued me so I downloaded it. What did it end up being on? Spiritual maturity. Specifically asking God,

"What do I still lack?"
"What am I resisting that you still want to do in me?"

These are scary questions just like David's requests in Psalm 139. Why? Because the answers just may change your life forever. It may turn what you now know as normal upside-down.

So we have a choice. We can stay spiritually stunted, just hanging out, going through the motions and feeling empty. Or we can step out and say, "Search me, test me, show me, lead me" and find out that God has so much more in store for us than we could have ever imagined if we'll just let Him work through us.

Twitter

2008-06-23T15:43:00.001-07:00

It's official.
I'm on Twitter for real.
Shout out to Derrick for being my first follower. But seriously, I've only been on Twitter for 6 minutes and got this:

Friends

2008-06-19T16:44:00.000-07:00

Growing up I had a problem with friends. I never did seem to keep them. Junior high hit and all you know what broke lose. My best friend from high school made a succession of poor relationship decisions and I just couldn't keep up. Friends from college are friends on facebook and you keep up with short messages and pictures, but not much else.

So imagine my surprise when I went back to Minnesota for a friend's wedding this past weekend and stayed with a former college roommate and her husband.

Naomi (otherwise known as Nomie) and I had been roommates traveling abroad as well as our sophmore year. Our junior year, she married Alan, one of the nicest guys on the planet.

I don't know what I was expecting staying with them, but needless to say I was overwhelmed. I felt valued. I felt cherished. I had a really great time and never felt as if I were a burden.

Some people say that seeing certain friends after a long time you can just pick up where you left off. It wasn't like that with Nomie and Alan. It was ten times better. We had both matured and changed, but we understood that. We discovered new interests, new talents and new perspectives about each other.

They even took time during their scouting session for their photography business to take pictures of me which they didn't have to, but made my day.

It was a good reminder of what friendship should be. So I'm making sure it won't be another 3 years before I visit them again. It's too easy to get bogged down with life and forget what's most important.

PS: If you're wondering, yes Nomie and Alan were the photographers who took my new profile picture. Seriously, they are some of the best photographers I've seen. If you're planning a wedding or family event in Minnesota, look them up at http://www.pricelessphotomemories.com/

How will you live?

2008-06-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

I was out of town this past Sunday so I missed hearing Perry Noble's sermon in person. I listened to it on the Palm Valley web site and then the "unedited" version he did for NewSpring.

Here's the thought that stuck with me:

"Are you walking in anticipation or frustration?"

I have a choice. Live in anticipation or live in frustration.

I know I'm making a change.

How will you live?

One Prayer Resources

2008-06-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

If you have not yet checked out the One Prayer website, it's amazing.

Tuesdays are set aside for fasting and prayer. This week's focus is on miracles. Just reading through others' prayer requests you get an overwhelming sense that we truly are One Body of Christ. Take the time to check out the daily devotional as well as the prayer requests. It has encouraged me greatly.

http://www.oneprayer.com/blog

Where does your hope lie?

2008-06-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

With all the hoopla of political candidates and economic uncertainties, can you sing this with confidence?

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' Name.

On Christ, the Solid Rock, I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand.

A Godly Heritage

2008-06-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

My apartment feels very empty right now. My mom is at the airport after spending almost a week visiting me. It was the first time she visited me in over 2 years since usually I'm the one visiting her.

I think the thing that blew me away was how utterly blessed I am to have a mother who is so passionately in love with Jesus Christ and earnestly wants to follow his voice.

Granted, we had some fun, bizzare and hilarious times this past week, but what I remember most are our times of prayer, her laying of hands on me, our talks about our struggles and sharing what the Lord had spoken to us through our daily Bible reading.

God, thank You for blessing me with a godly heritage. Thank you for my mom who seeks Your face daily and wants so desperately to hear Your voice. I don't deserve this favor, Lord, but I praise You all the same for giving me my mother. Bless her in ways she can't even imagine.

Something random, but awesome.

2008-05-28T23:43:00.001-07:00

Best...commercial...ever. I literally bought the song within 2 minutes of seeing this on TV.

Doing life together

2008-05-25T20:34:00.000-07:00

Our home team has spent a lot of time encouraging each other through hard times as well as mourning together through many losses. It was so fun to finally let loose and celebrate!

Highlights: Deb's infamous monkey story, TJ's hair (or lack thereof), random ballroom dancing couple, the home team sweep of both the bouquet toss and the garter toss, Vinnie the DJ and Courtney's impromtu love song.

God is faithful

2008-05-25T20:26:00.000-07:00

Three years ago, our singles home team started praying. We prayed that God would provide a godly husband for Jen. There were times when it was hard, sad, depressing and just plain annoying.

After three years and hundreds of prayers, God more than proved himself faithful this Saturday. I could go on and on about how the rain stopped just in time, how the moment Pastor Miller prayed to thank God for the weather the sun came out and countless other blessings. But I'll leave you with the picture because it says it all. God is faithful.

Bobby and Jen Simmers

Thank God for new life!

2008-05-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

The Logans have a boy!!!! I got to see him from far away at baby dedication this past Sunday and he's a cutey! For those of you who weren't there, check my newest favorite baby boy in the nursery, Jude William!

Rethinking the Ten Commandments

2008-05-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

Had a chance two weekends ago to attend Lake Ave Church, a large multi-cultural church in Pasadena, California. It's known for its huge pipe organ (pipes 32 feet high...let's just say your entire body rattles when they hit those notes), huge congregation and complete lack of parking.
Anyway, the pastor is doing a series on the Ten Commandments and the way he has rephrased them really got me thinking. Here they are:

Let God Be God (What causes, relationships, goals or practices are more important and absorbing to me than God?)
Worship God as He Is (Do I know and worship God as He truly reveals Himself to be in the Bible, or do I make Him into someone or something that I want Him to be?)
Honor God's Name with Integrity (If you claim to be a Christian, with Christ's name on you, do you truly live out what you claim to be, or have you been a hypocrite in any area?)
Follow the Rhythms God Establishes (Are you willing to accept God's schedule for your life? Do you work six days "as unto the Lord"? Do you give God the best parts of your time for His worship?)
Love and Respect Your Parents (Have you made every effort to show members of your immediate family, especially your parents, all the love, consideration and respect that you can?)
Treat Human Life as Sacred (Have you ever harbored malice, ill-will, bitterness, or though unkindly of anyone? Have you done harm through actions, words or thoughts to those made in God's image?)
Keep Pleasure Undefiled (Have you been intimate or allowed your mind to indulge in desires of intimacy with anyone to whom you are not married?)
Take Only What God Has Given You (Have I envied or taken from others any time, services, money or goods to which I did not have a right?)
Tell and Live the Truth (Do you walk with integrity, keep your promises, speaking with complete honesty?)
Be Content (Are you able to thank God for whatever He has allowed to come into your life? Do you trust his goodness, wisdom and help in every area?)

Number 2 and 10 have been spiritually kicking my butt this week and forcing me to reevaluate several areas. What about you?

He's healing my heart

2008-04-25T20:30:00.000-07:00

I've been super excited this past week since I found out John Eldredge had written a new book called Walking With God. I loved Waking the Dead and from what I could see the new book was going to be good too.

In Waking the Dead, John had talked about "agreements" we make with Satan without even really thinking about it. Usually they are subtle, but damaging statements that the Enemy whispers to us and we agree. Our hearts are in bondage to the agreement we made. So I got to the part in the new book where John describes his journey of wrestling with an agreement he had made long ago and not even realized it. He discovered that much of his drive to "do it himself" and drivenness that caused immense stress in his life was caused by the overwhelming conviction that Love will never stay. Through experiences in his life, he been wounded and never healed from that. His story of healing was cool so I thought, what the heck, why not try it myself...

I've learned to never underestimate God. I was driving to work this morning and I asked God, "Okay, reveal to me if I've made any agreements with Satan, ones that I've shoved down and not dealt with." So I kept driving, keeping my heart wide open for whatever.
Well, that "whatever" hit me in the chest like semi. I started thinking about how Monday I'm going to be getting my "Teacher of the Year" award at a special ceremony. Ever since I heard I'd won, I've never been excited. I faked being excited, but the award always felt hollow and disappointing. I started thinking, "Why? Why am I the only one not excited about this?" Then the agreement You're not good enough started ringing in my head like a bell, softly at first than over and over and over. Suddenly, the pain of the last few months overwhelmed me and years of people-pleasing drilled into me. I realized I was being attacked, quite literally.

It all made sense. I spent years growing up in a church that looked at me, a pastor's kid, and demanded perfection. I was never good enough. Here I am the daughter of two musicians and I can't really play any instrument proficiently. I never got good enough to do anything with it. I go to college and I don't fit the bill of the "cool college girl". I'm not good enough. I get my first job and within my first week, my principal literally tells me during a 2 hour conference, "You're not good enough". I work in a school system that is constantly reaffirming to teachers "You're not good enough". I teach at an underperforming school where the State has come in and told me, "You're not good enough". I've had numerous parent-teacher conferences where all I've heard is, "You're not good enough". I step out in faith to interview for international teaching jobs and all I get is rejection letters and silence with a growing fear of "I'm not good enough".

Within 10 seconds, these memories wash over me and I am in emotional, spiritual and physical pain. Thankfully, I remember that this is not me. This isn't true. I am good enough. I am loved and saved by the Creator of the Universe and He has gifted me and given me a purpose. I pray and pray and my praying becomes yelling Scripture out loud and finally I got to the point where whatever and whoever was attacking me left. I knew I needed Christ's healing and protection before I was attacked again and suddenly there was peace.

As this day has gone on, I've found myself reminded of the fact that I've lived out my life under the assumption that I'm not good enough. And it's crippled me. My prayer life is much more fervent now as I pray for repentance from making this agreement and reaffirming it most of my life. I pray for protection and healing for my heart as I try to learn how to live without fear of not being good enough.

I know it will take time for this wound to heal since it's been wide open for years now, but I'm amazed at how loved and at peace I am. I know I'll be battling the feeling of inadequacy and trying to keep it at bay, but I'm comforted by so many verse that tell me that I am good enough. Through Christ Jesus I have God-given talents and I have a future.

And what do you know? I'm actually excited about Monday's ceremony now.

Whatever You're Doing

2008-04-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

Every once and a while a song comes along that pierces directly to where you're at in life. When this song came on the radio for the first time, I almost had to pull my car over because I was bawling. Here's a YouTube recording of it with the lyrics below.

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving into something Heavenly.

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly.

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly.

There is no Plan B

2008-04-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

So contracts are due soon and I'm getting the same question about a bizillion times a day, "So have you heard anything yet? What are you going to do next year?"

Answer: No clue.

That's it.

I'm in that angst-ridden waiting period, but I realize that and I know it's for my good so I'm trying to get over the angst and enjoy the ride.

Second most asked question, "So what are you going to do if this doesn't work out?"

Answer: There is no plan B.

No seriously. I'm not pursuing anything else. I'm not holding on to my contract "just in case". I'm not getting certified in other states. I'm waiting, pursuing my passion and asking for wisdom. To some that may sound incredibly unwise, but check out James 1:

5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;
8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Quite frankly, I don't want to be blown and tossed by the wind. Been there, done that, not going back. So I have a choice: sit, worry, cry, doubt, plan "just in case", worry, eat pie, worry, repeat. OR I could ask for wisdom, listen for His voice and believe that God will provide.

What if God doesn't come through? Really...did some of your just think that...sad, huh. God has always provided and God's got a bigger perspective and bigger bank account than me so I'm thinking I'm going to trust Him to come through.

So for all of you out there who are somewhat convinced I'll be living in a cardboard box, no worries. It's nothing that God won't use for His glory and I'd rather that than fall back on an uninspired, soul-crushing Plan B.

GO and do the same!

2008-04-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the experience of someone asking you for something and you simply did not want to help? We usually have lots of good reasons to not aid certain types of people. Perhaps they were mean or rude, the kind of person who would never show gratitude or possibly even jeer at you if you attempted any kind of assistance. What keeps us from helping people in need?

Let's go to Luke where a religious law expert asks Jesus what he thinks is a win-win question. He'll say the right answer, Jesus will praise him and he'll feel smug and good about himself. But that's not what happens. Pick up the story in Luke 10:25-29

So far so good. But the man wanted more and boy did Jesus give him more here.

Jesus tells the famous "Good Samaritan" parable. (Bit of a pet peeve: "good" is such an underwhelming word for this act of mercy so I'm calling him the Compassionate Samaritan)
Here are some interesting things to note:

Who passes the injured, naked man by? The most respected and "religious" members of the community.
Who ends up literally saving the man's life? The most universally hated enemy of the Jewish people, a Samaritan.

It's hard for us to truly understand how much Samaritans were despised by Jewish people. It wasn't simply a prejudice preference...it was a cultural hatred that had been around for hundreds of years.

Which leads us to the question: did Jesus answer the man's question? No. He turned it back on the religious law expert and made him examine his own heart and motives. Jesus, on his way to Jerusalem, was combating this heart issue almost constantly.

Luke 9: 49-50--the disciples proudly report to Jesus that they told someone to stop casting out demons in Jesus' name because the person "isn't in our group". How does Jesus respond? He yells at them! “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you."

Luke 9:51-56--the Samaritans don't readily welcome Jesus and the disciples want Jesus to rain fire down on the village and destroy it. How does Jesus respond? This time, He really lays the smack down! "But Jesus turned and rebuked them."

So what does this have to do with us? Think about it: how many times have we been jealous of what other Christians or churches are doing or just mad because they don't do things our way? We criticize them for everything and refuse to help. We tell them to stop because they are not part of "our group". But Jesus made it clear. If they are for Jesus and you oppose them, you are opposing HIM!!!! Scary!!!

Also think about the one people group or person who have rejected you. Our first response is much like the disciples...rain down fire, baby! But Jesus is asking us to be completely different. Our first response is to be love. In the parable of the Compassionate Samaritan, the Samaritan is said to have had "compassion to act" when seeing the injured man. That word "compassion" in the original Greek is a rare word which has incredibly strong connotation. It literally means "gut-wrenching movement within your deepest being". Whoa.

When met with people in need who are messy, mean, different, unfriendly, inconvenient and just plain unlikeable is my first response love? If not, why not? What does that say about my heart and about my relationship with Christ?

When we look at the last part of the parable, Jesus ends: "Yes, now go and do the same." This is not a friendly suggestion. It's a direct command. We are to go and literally do the same.

Blaine, a South African former Mormon and current Episcopalian seminary student, blogged on this parable and gave a powerful paraphrase of this command:
"Go and do this kind of mercy — this gut-wrenching movement within your deepest being — to last person you can imagine as a neighbor to you"

Then I realized that my heart was bitter...

2008-04-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

Psalm 73 highlights that blew me away! Asaph sounds like he wrote this yesterday.

But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
3 For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
4 They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong.
5 They don’t have troubles like other people; they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.

13 Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
14 I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain.
15 If I had really spoken this way to others, I would have been a traitor to your people.

16 So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!
17 Then I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

Trust

2008-03-30T18:40:00.000-07:00

This week at Home Team we looked at Luke 4-5 where Jesus calls Peter as a disciple. I really loved these verses since Matthew and Mark have the "Cliff Notes" version of the story...

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 17 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 18 And they left their nets at once and followed him.

Luke, on the other hand, gives us the more detailed story which revealed some interesting facts.

Jesus knew Peter (Simon) prior to calling him as a disciple. In fact, Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law when He was invited to Peter's house.
Peter had a mother-in-law which means Peter had a wife!
Jesus used Peter's boat to preach from and Peter sat there and listened. He was familiar with Jesus' teaching.
When Jesus asked Peter to go and fish, it wasn't a simple request. Peter had been fishing all night. He was probably exhausted. Not only that, he was an expert on his trade. Going to fish during the day was just stupid. It made no logical sense.
Peter trusted Jesus anyway and went out to fish.
Not only was Peter's boat filled with fish, but also James and John (Peter's fishing partners) got in on the deal and their boat was filled to almost sinking.
What does tons and tons of fish mean? Money and provision for Peter, James and John's families.
Peter's first response was to recognize he was a sinner and that Jesus was holy.
Jesus reassures Peter and calls him to do something amazing.
Peter's response? He left everything in God's hands and followed Jesus.

Last week, I simply could not get this story out of my head. I thought about it constantly. Here were some of my reflections on the passage.

Do you really trust God? When it came down to it, if God asked you to do something seemingly illogical would I still do it?
Recognize that we're sinners saved by a Holy Savior. We can't do this on our own.
When God calls you to do something, He provides for your needs. Peter wouldn't have left his family had he not known in a HUGE way that Jesus was providing for their everyday needs.
What do you have to leave behind in order to completely follow Jesus?

The "Real Church" and trials

2008-03-19T18:23:00.000-07:00

Got to hear Pastor Lyle preach again at Mission Valley Christian Fellowship and he just cracks me up. He preached through Acts on "What is a real church?"
Mission Valley Christian Fellowship(MVCF) is a set-up/teardown church like Palm Valley and often Pastor Leo or Pastor Lyle is told, "Well, when you get a building, then we'll come back."
So Pastor Lyle's sermon was on "Is MVCF a real church?" I think these truths apply to any church:
A real church has:

Teaching
Fellowship
Sharing of meals
Prayer
People who are filled with awe
Miraculous signs
Focus on pleasing God first, people second

I also had a chance to hear MVCF's Pastor of Security, known as "Sarge", preach. He was supposed to preach last October, but the day he was supposed to preach, his mother died suddenly in his own home. His sermon title was "Facing Trials and Tribulations". What a powerful testimony! He was so vulnerable and preached powerfully out of the book of James. Here are some notes that have stuck with me:

James introduced himself as a slave to Christ, not Jesus' half brother. He knew who His Savior was.
James 1:4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Perseverance is only developed through trials.
How do you count it all joy when really bad things happen? For Sarge, it was remembering the day he got a chance to preach randomly to a group of people and baptized 8 of them, one of which was his mother.
James 1:6--ask in faith with no conditions.
Are you seeking biblical counsel? Or the world's counsel?

Going home...

2008-03-19T18:17:00.001-07:00

Two weekends ago I did something I've always wanted to do: surprise my mom for her birthday. I had Spring Break that week for school so I told my mom her present would be coming on Saturday.
Saturday morning I woke up early, drove the 5+ hours home and called my mom from our front lawn. I asked if she had checked for her present and she said, "Yes, I just looked." Getting out of the car, I walked up to the front porch and said, "Look again."
Mom opened the door and just screamed! It was wonderful! I also had the chance to surprise my dad and pick him up from work.

I think the nicest thing about going home is that I'm able to truly relax. With my parents, I can be myself and we have a good enough relationship we can talk about almost anything. We were very honest with each other this time though, and I think it was really good. All three of us are growing in God's Word and really seeking His voice for direction.

Mark 12 rocks my world!

2008-03-05T21:39:00.001-08:00

So this was a comment I left on the Route 66 site, but I liked enough I'm reposting it here as well:
18 Then Jesus was approached by some Sadducees—religious leaders who say there is no resurrection from the dead. They posed this question: 19 “Teacher, Moses gave us a law that if a man dies, leaving a wife without children, his brother should marry the widow and have a child who will carry on the brother’s name. 20 Well, suppose there were seven brothers. The oldest one married and then died without children. 21 So the second brother married the widow, but he also died without children. Then the third brother married her. 22 This continued with all seven of them, and still there were no children. Last of all, the woman also died. 23 So tell us, whose wife will she be in the resurrection? For all seven were married to her.”
24 Jesus replied, “Your mistake is that you don’t know the Scriptures, and you don’t know the power of God.

What struck me about this verse and what's haunted me all day is the phrase "You don't know the power of God." How often do we really acknowledge the power of God? More often we tend to limit God's power just like the Sadducees, deciding what God can and cannot do even when He's standing right in front of them!
As a culture we've lost most of our sense of awe or wonder. I recently heard a secular comedian bemoan the fact that we ascribe the word "awesome" to things as mundane as socks and hot dogs. Our God is awe-inspiring. We're talking about the Lord of Heaven's Armies (notice it's "armies" not "army")!!! He runs the universe. The only reason you have your next breath (yes, that one you just took) is because He orchestrated it. Yet, just like the disciples, we forget this fact. Even though we have witnessed miracles in our own lives and in the life of others, when it comes to tough times, we still wonder, "Gee, will God show up?". Why? We don't know the power of God. It reminds me of a hymn I grew up singing that goes...
Oh what peace we often forfeit
Oh what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer.

Lord, let me remember everyday that you are a powerful God, One that can do far more than my finite mind can comprehend. Help me to have faith that You can accomplish anything for Your glory. Lord, let me experience Your power every day as I entrust my soul, my body and my mind to You. God, You are an awesome God, not "awesome" like socks, but truly, overwhelmingly awe-inspiring. To You be all glory and praise forever!!!

One long blog about Seattle...

2008-02-28T21:12:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
Where do I even begin to describe the last few days. It has been the most exciting, scary, disappointing, weird, and overall exhausting four days I’ve had in a while. As many of you know, I enjoy telling stories so I’m sorry if you’re a “get to the point” person because you’ll lose the full narrative if I cut it short. Remember Jesus taught in parables and even if my story isn’t much of a parable, I still believe in the power of personal stories so here we go…

Monday
I got in to Seattle and it was lovely. No rain, just sunshine, not even very cold. I checked in to my FABULOUS (and terribly expensive) hotel and decided to go check in for the conference. The ladies in the “office” explained that we have little “mailboxes” (a file folder in a box) with our name on it that the school directors can leave messages for us. I checked mine and I had four messages already.
I got back to my room to peruse the informational packet and the messages I got. The four messages were all offers of interviews, two with schools in Turkey, one with a school in Dubai and one with a school in Poland. Hmm…
Anyway, I start looking through the list of schools who were coming and I noticed something…of the 14 schools I wanted to interview with, only four were actually coming. Yikes. I sort of panicked but not enough to be in full freak out mode. Then I started looking at the vacancy list. Now I really started to panic. The elementary openings dramatically shrank. Supposedly the final list was going to be given out Monday night at the orientation session, but it was not looking good at all. I tried to get my mind off the desolate situation by walking downtown to find some munchies.
Now you have to understand, I grew up in San Diego. I’ve been to Los Angeles and San Francisco. I’ve been to Rome and Hong Kong and the Philippines. I thought I had seen it all. But I had never been to Seattle. As I was walking down the street with my “I know where I’m going so don’t bug me” face, a man with purple hair and a black trenchcoat starts prancing after me yelling in a sing-song way, “Green scarf lady! Green scarf lady!” I merged immediately with a larger group, hid my scarf as best I could and managed to escape whatever the “green scarf lady” guy wanted. I passed 10 street musicians with varying levels of talent (kazoo man had tough competition with the four string quartet) and at least 12 homeless people wanting handouts or screaming at anyone who came near them. I had lunch at Pike’s Peak Market and wandered back to my hotel still fairly depressed.
That night at the orientation session they handed out the final vacancy list. Now panic hit full-swing. I had four interview options. Only four. No new interview invites from directors either. I came back to my hotel room and cried and cried. It was awful. I kept reading through Psalm 42 and 43 and crying out to God to intervene, to do something big. I had spent all this money to come, had put myself out there and now there were hardly any jobs to be had. I slept well that night mostly due to exhaustion and the bazillion thread cotton sheets that I paid way too much for. .

Tuesday
It’s hard to explain how competitive the interview sign-up session is. They have tables set up around the edges of two rooms and you wait in line to hopefully get an interview with a director. I was really nervous. I’ve never been that nervous in my life. I started lining up 35 minutes before they opened the doors and I was still 10th in line. As soon as the doors opened I started looking for the schools I wanted to interview with. Germany…not there. Spain…not there. Greece…no openings. Switzerland…director was late. It was only 3 minutes in and I literally had no options left. In desperation, I signed up an interview with the school from Poland which I hadn’t researched at all. I also got an interview with a school in Norway that had a surprise elementary opening. I finally got in line when Switzerland’s director showed up but I was the 15th person to line up and by the time I got there, she had no more interview times and quite obviously showed no interest in me. I had 2 ½ hours to set up interviews and here I was done in less than 15 minutes. I briefly considered just signing up to interview with random people, but every time I would walk toward the table, it was literally like hitting a glass wall. I couldn’t walk past. I just couldn’t.
I went back to my hotel room not really knowing what to do for the next three hours before my first interview. I researched the two schools as much as I could and got excited about them. They were small schools, but high quality and had a lot of things going for them.
I went to my first interview with Linda from Norway. She looked like Judi Dench, motherly, slightly disheveled and was very calm and reassuring. The interview went well and Norway had LOTS of perks: high salary, good benefits, beautiful town, wonderful school, etc. From there I went to my interview with Poland. The director had showed lots of interest and was excited to talk with me. Turns out, he had started several initiatives that my school is in the midst of as well so he was surprised by my experience. I spent the rest of the afternoon going to school presentations including Norway’s and Poland’s and I met several people who I was basically competing with for the same jobs.
That night was the social so I got all dressed up and went downstairs where I met several other candidates who were fun and friendly (including one teacher from Phoenix who lives in Aventura Apartments in Avondale! How random is that!). Anyway, besides the killer cheese platters (you literally couldn’t get any appetizers without accidentally throwing them across the room. I was hit by flying olives, pickles, crackers and cheese and threw a few things myself because the tongs were so faulty). I spent most of the time chatting with four ladies who were really funny but after an hour we decided it was time to “work the room”…and we all ended up within 30 seconds back at the cheese patter. All the directors were in their own little world and weren’t really into talking business. I made an attempt to talk to Linda from Norway, but within 20 seconds I basically knew I didn’t have the job. She gave lots of reassurances that I would probably get a job, but very obviously wanted to move on and talk to other people. The director from Poland who had been so interested completely ignored me.
I gave away my drink ticket (I felt so dumb, I thought it was for a door prize at first and then when I asked for Smirnoff Ice the bartender said, “Oh we’re not serving hard alcohol” and I felt like a drunk) and made my way back to my room and just sat there. My hope was dangling by a very thin thread that was fraying in all directions. Once again I went to bed emotionally exhausted from the highs and the lows of the day.

Wednesday
I woke up knowing that today I was going to find out one way or another if I had a job or not. I tried to take it easy, going to the gym, leisurely taking a shower and finally going down to my mailbox. Sure enough there were two notes for me. I took them and like a junior higher made my way to the bathroom and opened them up. As I had guessed, they were both rejection letters. “Nice to meet you…not a match with our school…good luck…” and that was it. My fair was over.
It was my worst fear coming true. I had gone all this way in faith, trusting that even though things didn’t look good at all that God would show up and do something. I spent the next several hours trying to work out in my head what I was feeling, trying to keep my negative emotions in check and figure out what I was supposed to do next. As I was riding in the elevator to check my mailbox, I ran into one of the ladies from the night before, Amy. Turns out that all four ladies I talked to got job offers. Then came that awkward moment when she turned to me and said, “So how ‘bout you?” She was so excited and I didn’t want to ruin her moment so I said something lame about neither interview working out. I could see that she felt bad, but I didn’t want her to be apologizing for being excited so I asked her about her new school and what she was looking forward to.
Later that afternoon, I spoke with Mary Harding, the assistant director for the agency I’m registered with and she gave me lots of good advice on what to do next and said I should keep in touch with her since invariably someone backs out at the last minute and leaves schools in a bind.
A few hours later I came back to the candidates lounge to use the computer to check in for my flight and did some fabulous eavesdropping (so bad, I know, but hey, if you’re going to be speaking that loudly…). In the center of the room, was the guy who had gotten offered 3 elementary positions, including the Norway one I really wanted. It was so difficult to listen to him. Granted, he was very confident and charismatic the kind of person you automatically gravitate toward, but he was arrogant and annoying. He actually asked a director from Dubai (a VERY conservative Middle Eastern country) if he was able to bring girls back to his school apartment to have sex or if that wasn’t allowed. Can you imagine asking that in an interview?!?! Not only that, he kept talking about how nice “Cathy, the Norway director was”. I wanted to scream, “Her name isn’t Cathy, you idiot! It’s Linda!!!”
Needless to say, it was a lesson in self-control, but also dealing with the seeming unfairness in life. I had to combat my own arrogance when faced with his. You know what it sounds like…”I’m so much nicer than him, I would have been so much better for that job, I…I…I”. But it’s not about me, is it?

Thursday
Nothing too exciting. I spent $14.00 on French pastries, packed up and left for the airport. In yet another awkward social situation of my life, I was sitting at the airport waiting for four hours for my flight and just happened to sit behind two of the ladies who ran the fair. I don’t know if they recognized me or not but they did not talk with me which was good, because I didn’t really want to talk about the fair.
Now I’m trying to sort through what happened and what I’ve learned from it all. My mom has been a great sounding board as far as giving advice, but also offering perspective as well. She’s also very discerning. She claims she’s not a prophet, but here’s the crazy thing…Tuesday night, she walked into the living room, looked at my dad and said, “Someone just took Rachel’s job. I think someone just took Rachel’s job, but they’ll back out.” My mom was kind of freaked out because she didn't know where it came from. Whether it was my mom being a protective parent and hoping for the best or if it truly was my mom hearing God’s voice (due to her track record, I’m leaning toward the latter one), I know Seattle has meaning.
So here’s my thoughts so far:

I went for it. Most people never even try for the dream God has given them. Usually they stay put and complain about how much they dislike where they are. But I went for it and I’m still going for it. I’m not giving up and I’m not going to get stuck in a pity party for myself although it is very tempting.
I should have been more prepared for the attack. I have never been so spiritually attacked since I pledged money toward the Seize the Moment campaign. My emotions were all over the place. At times, my shield of faith was just barely there, made of soggy cardboard. It was evident but not really effective.
I know I was supposed to go to Seattle. I don’t know why. I don’t know what will come from it, if one of the jobs I interviewed with will come back open or if it’s just a lesson in obedience for me. Even though it seems like I just wasted a month’s worth of rent, I know God had me at this place and time for a reason, if only to learn to trust Him when it makes no sense.

Acts

2008-02-17T17:38:00.001-08:00

If you haven't realized this yet, I just want you to know God is doing a BIG thing right now in the lives of His people and His churches. Read any major blog of any major church and there is this common theme of reading God's Word, listening to His voice and living out the book of Acts.

As an example, my mom called tonight to share what Pastor Leo preached about this morning. It was near identical to the sermon I heard this morning. God's speaking to His leaders and thank goodness, they are listening. Here's the story that Leo shared this morning that blew my socks off!

San Diego is a big military town so Mission Valley Christian Fellowship has always been involved in supporting the troops at home, providing for families and what not. So one particular soldier, I don't know his name so I'm going to call him Bryan for narrative's sake, but his wife is Hispanic and only speaks Spanish. Bryan's been praying for his wife's salvation for some time and has taken his wife to several churches around San Diego. Her biggest complaint has always been that she can't understand the preachers because her English is poor.

Finally, Bryan brought his wife last Sunday to MVCF because the church has a reputation of being so supportive of the military families. Now you have to understand, Leo is just Leo. He's loud, he talks fast and furious, he gets on random tangents and using tons of idioms and sayings. And somehow in the midst of all of this, God works wonders. Well, Bryan and his wife sat through the service and at the end, Bryan's wife went up to pray to accept the Lord. She went straight to the ONE prayer team couple that speaks fluent Spanish.

When Bryan was asking his wife what was different about Leo's sermon, she said, "Because he was preaching in Spanish." Bryan was stunned. Leo preached the whole sermon in English. The Holy Spirit had literally translated the Word of God for this woman so when she heard the Word being preached, it was in HER language.

4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.
5Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language. 7Utterly amazed, they asked: "Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? 8Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? 9Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11(both Jews and converts to Judaism Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!" 12Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, "What does this mean?"
Acts 2:4-12

Stuck

2008-02-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

That pretty much describes how I was feeling this weekend. I got sick very suddenly this past week and by Friday I was diagnosed with walking pneumonia. So I've spent the last two days sleeping and hanging around my apartment doing basically nothing. It's a bit depressing after a while.
So this Sunday is the first Sunday I've actually spent not at a church. So I thought I'd listen to one of Perry Noble's sermons online since I'm a big fan of his blog.
Funny enough his sermon series is "Stuck". It's amazing! Click here to listen to it.
Here are my notes:

God’s pursuit is bigger than my circumstances.
Judges 6:11-13--Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress. Basically, he was throwing wheat up in a hole and hoping that the chafe would be sifted out somehow. It was useless, meaningless activity. Why was he doing this? Because of fear and uncertainty.

“I found God.” I was never aware God was lost. You really found God? Where was he? Was he behind your couch? We don’t find God. God finds us.
God’s plan is bigger than my imagination.
God’s plans never really make sense.
Don’t tell me who you are. Tell me who you are becoming.
God’s power is bigger than my excuses.
Gideon replied, "But, Lord!" Whenever God asks us to do something amazing, we’re obsessed with our “buts”.
We all have a “but”. Some people’s “buts” are big and some people’s “buts” are small.

When God calls you to do something great for Him, it’s never so we can be safer. It’s so we can be more dangerous. God’s not concerned with our comfort, He’s concerned with His glory.
Sometimes we just have no idea who we’re talking to. We forget who God is.
God’s promise is bigger than my problem.
When God calls us to do big things, He never asks us to do it alone. He says that He will always be with us.
God’s will is not a safe place, but it’s the right place.

God's right there yah dummy!

2008-02-11T18:44:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's what I would have said to Aaron after reading Exodus 32:1-5.

1 When the people saw how long it was taking Moses to come back down the mountain, they gathered around Aaron. “Come on,” they said, “make us some gods who can lead us. We don’t know what happened to this fellow Moses, who brought us here from the land of Egypt.”
2 So Aaron said, “Take the gold rings from the ears of your wives and sons and daughters, and bring them to me.”
3 All the people took the gold rings from their ears and brought them to Aaron. 4 Then Aaron took the gold, melted it down, and molded it into the shape of a calf. When the people saw it, they exclaimed, “O Israel, these are the gods who brought you out of the land of Egypt!”
5 Aaron saw how excited the people were, so he built an altar in front of the calf. Then he announced, “Tomorrow will be a festival to the Lord!”

Observations:

Everything started when the Israelites wanted events to happen in their timing, not God's timing.
The Israelites forgot everything they had just seen, heard and experienced. They had made a covenant with the Lord and had heard His voice and had seen His glory! And still, they grew weary of waiting and decided to find the "next big high".
The Israelites went straight for leadership. Aaron was clearly cornered into showing results and instead of being faithful, he took the most comfortable way out: replicate the gods of Egypt.
The most cringe-inducing part for me is when Aaron gets caught up in the excitement and decides to capitalize on his new-found popularity by building an altar. How many times have I seen leaders in the Church, young and old, get caught up in some emotional response, forget to seek God's voice and just plug ahead with some program or project. It's embarrassing to be left at the end with the debris of poor decisions.
Although Aaron built the altar, Exodus 32 goes on to say the people was struck with a plague because "they worshipped the calf that Aaron had made". When it comes down to it, we are each responsible for our own spiritual health. Even when leaders make poor decisions, we are to constantly seek God's guidance and truth.

Action steps for me:

I need to be constantly in God's Word and listening for His voice. Otherwise, I'm toast.
As a leader, I need to be discerning about what I say and do. I don't want to end up being an Aaron.

Happy Birthday Christian!

2008-02-10T17:32:00.001-08:00

Today is my brother's 22nd birthday which makes me feel old. It seems just like yesterday I was 22. In fact, I think I've started my quarter-life crisis a few months ahead of schedule.
Anyhoo, below is a tribute to my big little brother on his "best birthday ever"!

He likes playing rugby...which as you can see has some side affects...mostly on my mother's sanity.

He likes kids...even if he claims he'll never be a teacher. He spent several weeks in Russia, loving on these boys at an orphanage. Face it, he's a kid magnet.

Yes, that's him under the mascot head with his friend Lionel. Lionel and he would take turns being the mascot. Lionel was more cute and cuddly. Christian made small children cry.

Allowable, but not God's best

2008-02-10T16:59:00.001-08:00

As part of our Home Team, we read the passage Matthew 19 where Jesus was confronted by the Pharisees who tried to bait Jesus with a controversial subject at the time: divorce. The Pharisees were hoping Jesus would cater to one side and then the people who ascribed to the other side of the debate would get angry.

But Jesus threw them a curveball. He didn't pander to either side. He went back to the original intent of marriage: one man, one woman, together as one to glorify God. He then explained that while divorce was allowed by Moses, it was because people had "hard hearts". It was allowable, but not the best God had intended.

Then we looked at 1 Corinthians 6:12 where Paul addresses the Corinthians who were pulling the line, "Well, I'm saved so I can do anything and get forgiven, right?" Paul very strongly responds by saying, "'Everything is permissable for me' but not everything is beneficial."

Our conversation led to what are things that our culture, even our Christian culture says is allowable, but is not God's best for us.

My example was that I have to be gone for four days to go to this recruiting fair in Seattle. According to my district's policy, I'm not able to take more than 3 discretionary days off in a row. This was a problem. I had several people tell me, "Oh, just call in and say you're sick the last day." or "Say it was something else, nobody will know."

But the truth was I would know. I would know lying was wrong. It wasn't ethical even if "everyone does it". No matter how much I would rationalize (or as Pastor Greg says tell myself "rational lies") or blame my district's policy, I would know and everyone else I talked to about the situation would know that I had lied. What kind of blessing from God would I forfeit if I deliberately said, "You know God, you said you'd take care of me, but I think I know better so I'm just going to fake being sick so I don't lose pay,"?

I didn't lie. I put in for four days. I talked with my administrator quite honestly. And guess what? God took care of me. My administrator cleared me for the fourth day. I won't lose pay. God honored my faithfulness and the fact that I took a stand and said, "Yes," to integrity even though Christian friends and colleagues had said, "No biggie."

So my question is what have you accepted as "allowable" that is not really God's best?

Is it fudging on your taxes because God knows you really can't afford to pay it all?
Is it not being honest with that friend because maybe he or she won't like me if I speak the truth?
Is it laughing at that off-color, racist or sexist joke just to fit in? Is it making the joke just to feel accepted?

In this morning's service, this verse was read and it really resonated with me. It's from Psalm 25:21:

May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You.

Is your hope really in Him and His ability to take care of you?

Things that excite me!

2008-02-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

Jesus! No this is not the spontaneous Sunday School answer. Jesus really is exciting! Reading through Matthew has been wonderful. It's like meeting up with an old friend at a coffee shop and kicking yourself for letting the friendship go for so long.
Pastors who tell it like it is! If you have never read any posts of Perry Noble or Steve Furtick, I would highly recommend you read this one and this one. These guys love Jesus and have a passion for reaching the lost.
Bones! I started my anatomy unit last week and dang it, I just love studying the human body! My students just finished their bone project where they had to meticulously draw to scale the skeleton of one of their group members. I was really picky too. I had one kid redraw the clavicle 13 times. (The clavicle is also known as your collarbone by the way). In the end though, the projects look great!
Fresh and Easy market! One just came to my neck of the woods and I love it. It has everything I need for cheap AND they have constant samples which made me a loyal customer from day one.
My microwave's normal again! My hometeam gals got to hear my story of how my nacho chips caught on fire in my microwave last week. The strange thing is that my chips, cheese and plate were not burned at all. In fact, they tasted normal (well, I didn't taste the plate, but there were no burn marks). It wouldn't have been so weird had I not just read Exodus 3!

Some of my favorite things...

2008-02-04T17:43:00.001-08:00

So I have this reputation for liking off-beat things that everyone else just goes, "Where did you ever find that?" But nevertheless thought I'd share the things that keep me entertained.

1. Top Gear: What can I say? It's a car show for people who like cars and people like me who like to pretend I know anything about cars. Anyway, it's just really funny. My favorite episode is the Caravaning Trip.

2. Once: The movie is okay (it's rated R for the language, but the story is actually realistic), still the music is what makes it worthwhile.

3. Persepolis: A French-language cartoon memoir of a young girl growing up in Iran? Does it get any better than this!

Flannelgraph Heroes

2008-02-01T17:09:00.000-08:00

I don't remember the Bible saying anything about Jesus being a member of the Bee Gees.

Being a PK(pastor's kid) for 21 years, I heard all the major Bible stories and then some over and over and over again. An aura always seemed to surround Biblical characters as if they always knew what to do and if they didn't, they listened to what God said. My flannelgraph view of Moses, Jacob, Joseph and Abraham had been basically unchanged since elementary school when our church really did use cut out pieces of flannel to represent different Bible characters.

This is the first time in my life that I've actually read through the Bible instead of taking a little here, a little there, do a subject study on this, read a section of that, etc. And I've been stunned by my own naive view of these people I've known about my whole life. Here's what I've found:

Flannelgraph Moses: A little scared at times, but basically a nice guy who did what God said and then messed it up in the desert.
Reality: Moses was a pain in the behind! He argued and complained with God over stupid things ("What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm a liar? I don't like speaking in front of people."), doubted God's promises, got fed up as a leader and wanted to bail out. In fact, when you actually read the whole parting of the Red Sea account, Moses has very little to do with anything! It's God, God, God, God! Moses was just kind of standing there.

Flannelgraph Abraham: Faithful, old guy who got a kid after a while, almost killed his kid, but didn't and has a song about him that's similar to the Hokey Pokey but you praise the Lord instead of "that's what it's all about".
Reality: Abraham messed things up too! He lied about his relationship to his wife...twice! He gave in to his wife's poor idea about Hagar and then gave in to her again when Sarah complained about Hagar. Yes, he showed great faith, but at other times you wonder where his heart was.
Flannelgraph Joseph: A nice kid, who had mean brothers. He got sold into slavery in Egypt, ran away from a horny woman, got put in prison anyway, interpreted a bunch of dreams and then became the (almost) King of Egypt. He forgave his brothers and gave them stuff.
Reality: Joseph rocks my world! Of all the Patriachs (does he even count? I'm not sure why everyone leaves Joseph out), he's the one I'd want to be like the most. He shows constant integrity, faithfulness and passion amid struggle after struggle. When his brothers come to Egypt, he doesn't just give them a group hug and cry a lot. He tests their motives. He throws one brother in jail and demands that the rest bring Benjamin. Then he plants his own silver cup in Benjamin's bag as yet another test of his brothers' sincerity. It takes Judah sobbing at Joseph's feet, offering to take Benjamin's place before Joseph let's himself known.

So what did I learn from this?

You have to read the Bible. Let me say it another way. YOU have to read the Bible. Not the pastor who tells you what it says. Not the VeggieTales version with dancing cucumbers and singing grapes. YOU have to read it yourself. You have to read the BIBLE. Not a commentary. Not a Bible study. The BIBLE itself. Otherwise, you're just getting flannelgraph heroes, not the real deal.
God uses whomever He wants to bring Himself glory. Right about the second time Moses was complaining, I would have kicked him off the mountain and started looking elsewhere. It's interesting to think that sometimes God uses us in spite of us. I'd like to be the kind of person, like Joseph, who God works through.

The Good, the Odd and the Sexy...

2008-01-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

Here's the amazing thing about reading the Bible through for yourself--you find a ton of cool things that no one ever preached on or did a Bible study on or even mentioned. Here are just a few that have stuck out to me in the past few days:

Exodus 4:24-26...this verse blew me away! It's so random and odd! So I did a little research and come to find out this is one, if not the most, contested verse in the Old Testament. It has something to do with pronouns (is the "him" Gershom or Moses?) and also with Zipporah (how did she know what to do?) and with Moses' lack of obedience (why had he not circumcised his own son?). If anything, we see that Moses' lack of obedience was dangerous not just to himself, but to his family as well.
Genesis 42-43: Joseph is often seen as the overly nice brother who willingly forgives his brothers immediately...unfortunately, that's not what the Bible says. Joseph tested his brothers mercilessly and even threw Simeon in jail! Although I have to say, I don't blame him. Simeon's reputation was not too hot (Genesis 34:24-26).
Proverbs 5 instructs you to have great sex with your spouse. It also warns you not to sleep around. I love the imagery here too. It's so over the top! "Why spill your springs in the streets/ your streams in the city squares?" Haha...that's great.
Matthew 17:24-27--Too bad H&R Block doesn't offer a guarantee like this one!
Matthew 18:21--Got to admit it...I can relate to Peter here. Ever try to impress someone with your own holiness and it totally backfires? Welcome to Peter's world! He tried so hard to be the goodie-two-shoe with this question and Jesus completely turned the tables on him. If I was Peter, I'd be feeling pretty dumb at that point.

Well, just a few interestering "ah-ha!" moments. How about you? What have you found that has stunned you?

Blessed by family

2008-01-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

So thought I'd share some fun family photos that capture whole stories in them...

This picture basically tells you everything you'd ever need to know about the differences between my brother and I. I'm the squinting wallflower looking for direction while he's hamming it up for the camera, hip popped out with stylish sock/sandal combo. I could never pull that off. Grandpa...I miss him. But this is truly hilarious. If you look really closely at my brother's hand, you'll notice his finger in a splint because he almost cut it off when it was accidentally slammed in a door. The irony of the picture is that Grandpa is proudly holding the hedge clippers as my brother looks very warily at them.

Just too darn cute. Got to love the 80's short shorts. By the way, that was the coolest bubble mower ever!

Back in the saddle...

2008-01-23T16:47:00.000-08:00

Hey, y'all. Sorry I've been so hit-and-miss for blogging. My internet has been weird so I may be ready to blog but my computer's may not be ready to cooperate.

I absolutely LOVED today's reading! Here are my thoughts and questions that came up for me:

Matthew 15--I love this encounter Jesus has with the Canaanite woman. First, he's just criticized the Pharisees for knowing all the Scripture and the law, but not applying it, not even realizing who He was!
And here comes a Gentile woman (gosh, Gentile and a woman, I bet the Pharisees would have had a field day with this one!) who not only understands who Jesus is, she has "great faith."
Sure enough the disciples were bothered by her, why? Because she was worshipping Him loudly! Isn't it always the people who don't get it, ones who honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship is a farce; aren't those the ones who try their hardest to put up barriers for true worshippers?
Quite frankly, my favorite part is the woman's response. It is darn funny! I just love the whole section.

Psalm 19--There is just something about this Psalm that resonates deeply with me. It's got everything, worship, descriptions of nature, love of Scripture, repentance and a request for holiness. I've seriously read this at least seven times today already and I just can't get enough of it! It really is like honey dripping from the comb. Or if you are like my mom who hates honey it is like chocolate dripping from the spoon.

Lord, may I always thirst for your righteousness. May I read and reread your commands until they shout in my mind and penetrate deep within my heart.

Eyeballs and service

2008-01-20T17:44:00.000-08:00

Last night I truly understood the analogy that Paul gave us about the Body of Christ in 1 Corinthians 12:12-31. Yes, I put a link you could read it, so read it! You will be blessed no matter what. It really doesn't matter what I say in the next few sentences, but I do care if you read His Word.
Anyway, last night went to see the movie The Diving Bell and the Butterfly with my dear friend Ida. The movie is the true story of a man named Jean-Dominque Bauby who was living the high life until he had a stroke that completely paralyzed him except for his left eye. The movie is mostly from Bauby's perspective, as in literally from his left eye. I loved the message of the movie, I loved the story line...unfortunately, the cinematography just about killed me. Because it follows the vision of one person's eye, the camera jerks this way and that, goes blurry at times or flickers. About an hour into the movie, Ida and I had to leave since we were so nauseated.

Wow! I need my eyeballs! And when they are out of whack, boy does it affect the rest of my body! The muscles around my eyes hurt, my jaw hurt, my stomach was doing somersaults, even my legs were wobbly. Not only that, my energy was simply drained from my body...and all because of artsy cinematography!

It made me reflect on how much each part of the Body of Christ is needed. Until last night, I didn't realize how important the muscles surrounding my eyes were until they didn't work properly. How many people are there who do all the behind the scenes work and you would never know they are there until they are missing. When one person is hurting, all others should respond to help and heal. Everyone is needed, everyone's unique giftedness is essential to bringing God glory and following the vision He's called us to do.

The flip side to this is how are you using your giftedness to bring glory to God? Are you a seat-warmer at your church who watches everyone else thinking, "Well, I just don't have time right now." I'm sorry to be so blunt, but if that's what you are thinking you're worse than my poor eyeballs because at least they got back in the game after a little while. Stop fooling yourself.

Action steps you can take with you:
1. If you aren't serving yet, just do it! No excuses, no whining, you WILL be blessed.
2. Find people in the Body of Christ who need to be encouraged, thanked and supported.

Speaking of which, some shout-outs to some people who make my day:
1. Art, thank you for your prayers and encouragement. I still have the email you sent me for my birthday. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever gotten. Know that I pray for you and Susie daily. Much love!
2. Pastor Mark, thanks for the encouragement today on the patio and for getting me started on my Financial Peace journey. Your leadership by example makes a difference.
3. Pastor Greg, thanks for being a vessel for Christ. Today is was very obvious that God was using you to speak truth into so many people's lives, including mine!
4. Hometeam gals, I love you and can't imagine what I'd do without you!

Giving your best...because you don't know any other way.

2008-01-15T17:31:00.001-08:00

So for the last month and a half, I have been sick. Not terribly sick, just sick enough to be drained and tired and worn out. Everyone has told me to take some time off and relax or just scale back at school.
Well, today, sometime between singing our classroom "F.U.N. Fractions!" song with hand motions, strutting down an invisible catwalk wearing a 2 foot tall hat made of construction paper(I was FIERCE!), brainstorming Greek and Latin roots that mean "to write" and cutting out 150 fluency cards for a game I realized I can't "scale back". I don't know any other way to teach!
It never entered my head to cancel my "Eradicate the Misuse of 'Like' and 'You know'" campaign I had planned for this week or to hold off starting my fractions unit (THE unit for 5th grade!). I knew I had a job to do and I had the tools to do them (well, besides health, but anyway...).

It got me thinking...what would our lives be like if we worshipped God in everything we did simply because we didn't know any other way to live. Paul exhorts us to take hold of the life that is truly life in 1 Tim. 6:19 instead of "scaling back" to lean on wealth or earthly enjoyment. So how do we live in such a way to really take hold of this life that is truly life?
Paul says to:

Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. (6:11)
Fight the good fight of the faith. (6:12)
Take hold of your eternal life; don't expect others to "feed" you everything (6:12)

While I can take a sick day to recuperate and leave my class with a substitute teacher, know there are no substitutes when it comes to personal, daily worship of Your Savior.

So what kind of worshipper are you? The one who when times get tough sits at the desk and checks email while the students run wild("After all God, it's been a hard week. I just need a break from serving You")? Or are you the one who still sang the National Anthem at the top of your lungs and juggled five different student writing conferences because you couldn't imagine doing any less? Can you really relate to David when he said...

How lovely is Your dwelling place, O LORD of Heaven's Armies.

I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the LORD.

With my whole being, body and soul, I shout joyfully to the living God.

A single day in Your courts is better than a thousand anywhere else!

Psalm 84:1-2, 10.

What kind of legacy is in a name?

2008-01-14T20:57:00.000-08:00

So when I was a freshman in college, I took a humanities course where we would have small group meetings with a professor three times a week for the entire year. There were only 15 students so we got to know each other fairly well. Our beloved wacky professor (who wore, yes, bow ties!) would distinguish between all the girls in our class by our names: Patriarch wives and Pagan names. This sounds horrible, but we had three Sarahs, two Rebekahs and two Rachels. The Pagan(non-Hebrew) names were the two Julies, two Katies, etc. So I always thought it was pretty sweet to be the Patriarch wife instead of the pagan.
However, after reading through the Genesis account again, I have to say, I'm not too impressed with Sarah, Rebekah or Rachel. Here's some observations of these ladies:

They all struggled with fertility problems. Notice I used the word "struggled", not just were "depressed" or "disappointed". This was a major part of their culture to have children. Sarah and Rachel were so impatient and wanting to do things their way that they gave their maidservants to their husband. By the time we get to Rachel, she should have known God would be faithful considering the family history.
They all had some bright, shining moments and some moments of incredibly bad judgement. Sarah was impatient and hurtful. Rebekah played favorites and was manipulative. Rachel was jealous, whiny and duplicitous (she obviously prized those household gods to actually steal them from her father).

So this makes me wonder what kind of legacy will I leave with my name? As a teacher, there are names I cringe at because I automatically associate them with former students that were less than admirable. My brother ended up with a beloved relative's middle name instead of first name because another, shady relative also shared that first name. When people say my name, what do they automatically associate it with?

I want to be the opposite of those Patriarch wives. My hope is that they associate my name with someone who is patient, caring, someone who is fair, just, trusting, civil and genuine.

What legacy will your name leave?

S.O.A.P. and much, much more!

2008-01-13T20:19:00.000-08:00

Pastor Greg did an awesome job today equipping the congregation for Bible study. Not only did he show us the S.O.A.P. method of studying the Bible, he also talked about attitude toward Bible reading. Here's what stuck out to me today:

"You can celebrate God in a crowd, but you can only get to know Him in private moments" So true! I went to a Christmas party about a month ago at a friend's house and there were at least 40 people crammed into her cute bungalow. The stereo was as loud as possible, everyone was chatting and basically you were just there to celebrate, not to get to know anyone. It was only when my friend and I went to a quiet room by ourselves that we were able to really catch up and get to know each other, away from the music, the noise and everything else.
"Having an open heart doesn't mean you accept everything." I hate it when people say if you disagree with them, that you are "close-minded". Just because I have a moral compass with which I analyze and evaluate positions and statements doesn't mean I'm "close-minded". It means I'm using the brain God gave me!
Spiritual maturity can be defined as going out and "feeding" others. Who are you pouring into?

S.O.A.P. stands for Scripture, Observation, Application and Prayer.

Here's my example from today:

Scripture

Psalm 11: I trust in the LORD for protection. So why do you say to me, "Fly like a bird to the mountains for safety! The wicked are stringing their bows and fitting their arrows on the bowstrings. They shoot from the shadows at those whose hearts are right. The foundations of law and order have collapsed. What can the righteous do?"

But the Lord is in His holy Temple; the LORD still rules from heaven. He watches everyone closely, examining every person on earth. The LORD examines both the righteous and the wicked. He hates those who love violence. He will rain down blazing coals and burning sulfur on the wicked, punishing them with scorching winds. For the righteous LORD loves justice. The virtuous will see His face.

Observation

The first part reminded me of some of the late night preachers you see who are preaching "doom and gloom" on America and are urging you to "fly like a bird to the mountains for safety!", sometimes quite literally. The Psalmist doesn't even budge, but puts trust completely into the hands of God. God is the Judge, not me, not the "religious", not even the righteous. It's God who judges, I am not the final say, nor is any other person.

"He hates those who love violence" Hmmm...I wonder how many Christian men have ever really read that and thought about their own attitudes toward violence. How many times have I heard, "I loved that part when the guy's head was blown off! That was sweet!" and I just cringe. Let me write that a little clearer for you. He. Hates. Those. Who. Love. Violence. Did you see what God does to those who love violence?

Favorite part was "the virtuous will see His face". Not just have a casual acquaintance, not see Him as He heads off to do something important. See...His...face. Awesome.

Application

For me, there is a sense of no matter what calamity is upon me, no matter what the hopeless situation, I have to know deep within me that God will be my protection. That has been really hard, especially when I see injustice or experience injustice that I cannot change. A friend of my family's was unjustly fired and the administrator used "Christian-speak" to fire her. He literally told her that it was God's will to move on. It was devistating not only for her, but for everyone else involved. I'm still mad at the administrator, but I realized, oh my gosh...he's got to contend with the God of the Universe for firing an older single woman with no family who was doing His will. That's worse than anything I could ever do or say to him.

And the last part...this should be my prayer...to be one of the virtuous to see His face.

Prayer

Lord, You know my heart, You know how much it irks me to see others mistreated and how much I want to take things into my own hands and "fly like a bird". But You've said You have that covered and that my job is to seek after Your face and rest in Your holiness. Let me not be distracted by other things, no matter how "important" or "essential" they may seem. May I always seek Your kingdom first above all else. Amen.