Standing on holy ground

There are times in your life when the presence of God completely overwhelms you. In those time, I feel like Moses who had to remove his sandals and later wear a veil because God's glory and power was so evident.

Wednesday morning I had a take-your-sandals-off moment. The high school I'm teaching at is the same one I graduated from 7 years ago. Still, many of the stalwarts, the best of the best, are still there. These are the people that inspired me to teach. These are people who are spiritual giants in my world. And every Wednesday morning they pray before school together. For the first time, I got to sit in on it.

For 30 minutes, I heard the genuine heart-felt cries to God from people I love dearly. I started to cry when I realized I was surrounded on both sides by cancer survivors. Terri was stage 4. She was supposed to be dead 5 years ago. Linn was told there was nothing they could do. And here both of them were, preserved by God for a greater purpose. Then there's Karen who has done nothing but encourage me and laugh with me for two weeks straight. Kris, who I've known for 17 years of my life whose daughters were my friends in tough times, I could go on and on.

I think what the Church today is missing is that overwhelming feeling of real community. Surrounded by a literal "cloud of witnesses" who rely on God for every single breath they take and walk alongside of you. Their lives in everything point directly to the Savior. It's a humbling to life-giving experience.

I feel so blessed and in awe of God's sovereignty. Never would I have thought I could be a part of something as big as this. I am truly thankful and know that next week, I need to wear sandals.

Friends

Growing up I had a problem with friends. I never did seem to keep them. Junior high hit and all you know what broke lose. My best friend from high school made a succession of poor relationship decisions and I just couldn't keep up. Friends from college are friends on facebook and you keep up with short messages and pictures, but not much else.

So imagine my surprise when I went back to Minnesota for a friend's wedding this past weekend and stayed with a former college roommate and her husband.

Naomi (otherwise known as Nomie) and I had been roommates traveling abroad as well as our sophmore year. Our junior year, she married Alan, one of the nicest guys on the planet.

I don't know what I was expecting staying with them, but needless to say I was overwhelmed. I felt valued. I felt cherished. I had a really great time and never felt as if I were a burden.

Some people say that seeing certain friends after a long time you can just pick up where you left off. It wasn't like that with Nomie and Alan. It was ten times better. We had both matured and changed, but we understood that. We discovered new interests, new talents and new perspectives about each other.

They even took time during their scouting session for their photography business to take pictures of me which they didn't have to, but made my day.

It was a good reminder of what friendship should be. So I'm making sure it won't be another 3 years before I visit them again. It's too easy to get bogged down with life and forget what's most important.

PS: If you're wondering, yes Nomie and Alan were the photographers who took my new profile picture. Seriously, they are some of the best photographers I've seen. If you're planning a wedding or family event in Minnesota, look them up at http://www.pricelessphotomemories.com/

How will you live?

I was out of town this past Sunday so I missed hearing Perry Noble's sermon in person. I listened to it on the Palm Valley web site and then the "unedited" version he did for NewSpring.

Here's the thought that stuck with me:

"Are you walking in anticipation or frustration?"

I have a choice. Live in anticipation or live in frustration.

I know I'm making a change.

How will you live?

There is no Plan B

So contracts are due soon and I'm getting the same question about a bizillion times a day, "So have you heard anything yet? What are you going to do next year?"

Answer: No clue.

That's it.

I'm in that angst-ridden waiting period, but I realize that and I know it's for my good so I'm trying to get over the angst and enjoy the ride.

Second most asked question, "So what are you going to do if this doesn't work out?"

Answer: There is no plan B.

No seriously. I'm not pursuing anything else. I'm not holding on to my contract "just in case". I'm not getting certified in other states. I'm waiting, pursuing my passion and asking for wisdom. To some that may sound incredibly unwise, but check out James 1:

5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;
8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Quite frankly, I don't want to be blown and tossed by the wind. Been there, done that, not going back. So I have a choice: sit, worry, cry, doubt, plan "just in case", worry, eat pie, worry, repeat. OR I could ask for wisdom, listen for His voice and believe that God will provide.

What if God doesn't come through? Really...did some of your just think that...sad, huh. God has always provided and God's got a bigger perspective and bigger bank account than me so I'm thinking I'm going to trust Him to come through.

So for all of you out there who are somewhat convinced I'll be living in a cardboard box, no worries. It's nothing that God won't use for His glory and I'd rather that than fall back on an uninspired, soul-crushing Plan B.

Things that excite me!

1. Jesus! No this is not the spontaneous Sunday School answer. Jesus really is exciting! Reading through Matthew has been wonderful. It's like meeting up with an old friend at a coffee shop and kicking yourself for letting the friendship go for so long.
2. Pastors who tell it like it is! If you have never read any posts of Perry Noble or Steve Furtick, I would highly recommend you read this one and this one. These guys love Jesus and have a passion for reaching the lost.
3. Bones! I started my anatomy unit last week and dang it, I just love studying the human body! My students just finished their bone project where they had to meticulously draw to scale the skeleton of one of their group members. I was really picky too. I had one kid redraw the clavicle 13 times. (The clavicle is also known as your collarbone by the way). In the end though, the projects look great!
4. Fresh and Easy market! One just came to my neck of the woods and I love it. It has everything I need for cheap AND they have constant samples which made me a loyal customer from day one.
5. My microwave's normal again! My hometeam gals got to hear my story of how my nacho chips caught on fire in my microwave last week. The strange thing is that my chips, cheese and plate were not burned at all. In fact, they tasted normal (well, I didn't taste the plate, but there were no burn marks). It wouldn't have been so weird had I not just read Exodus 3!

Am I disturbed?

I found this tonight on Perry Noble's blog and it blew my socks off! He found it in a book where the author quoted Sir Francis Drake's prayer:
“Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves. When our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little. When we arrive safely because we have sailed too close to the shore. Disturb us, Lord.”

Amazing...I want that so much! I don't want to stay in the same ol', same ol', but I'm just realizing what sacrifice, what trust it takes to dream big dreams and trust that the Lord will be faithful to the vision he's placed in your heart.
I'll be chewing on this one for awhile...

Faithful

It was a tough read today, not due to anything being terribly difficult to read, but mostly the application part. In Genesis we find Abraham pulling the same stupid stunt he tried in Egypt and oh look, it backfires on him! I love how Abraham tries to pull the "Well, it's kinda true," line off, but it's obvious to everyone that he purposefully deceived Abimelech to save his own hide. But despite Abraham's stupid idea, God was still faithful and basically saved Abraham (and consequently Sarah) from himself. Not only that, right after, we read of the birth of Isaac...God continued to be faithful despite the sceptical laughter and the repeated poor decisions.

Now it's easy to sit back and criticize Abraham for his faults, but tonight his dilemma hit home for me. I've been in the process of researching international teaching opportunities and in the early fall I had been looking at one particular recruiting fair in Iowa. I was so excited to go, I had the application ready and everything...but one thing after another kept coming up until it was a very definite "NO" from God. I was devastated and really didn't know what to do next. Well, a few weeks later I discovered another agency that would be less expensive(free) and their fair would be much easier to attend. Within weeks I was accepted by the agency, registered for the recruitment fair, booked the hotel and airfare at unheard of discounts (my airfare was $5, I'm serious!)...everything had God's fingerprint on it. The problem is there aren't a lot of good schools attending. In fact, none of my first choice schools are going at all. It's been a struggle to try to understand, "Okay God, you're sending me there, what do you want me to do?"

Tonight I hit a breaking point. I found out all my top schools are attending not my fair, but the fair in Iowa. Here I am trying to make smart decisions about my future and it just seems that what I really want isn't happening. I considered changing plans and going to Iowa or possibly flying to another fair further away. Then I reread about Abraham. God promised him a son and he waited and waited, not a few months like me, but years and years. And I realized I was looking for an "Ishmael", the easy way out, the shortcut. I wanted God's best but I wanted it my way which really isn't God's best is it?

So once again I'm learning the hard way to be faithful because God is faithful. It's very clear that I'm not in control of anything, God is and quite frankly that's really scary.

Wake-Up Call

Ever get complacent? Thinking everything is just fine and great. That's how I felt this morning. Unfortunately, I got a very unexpected wake-up call.

While searching my favorite networking site, I got an invitation...to a memorial service.

Emily(far right) was one of my roommates my sophomore year. She was bright, funny and totally sold out to Christ. She left second semester to spend a semester in Guatemala and then spent the rest of college living in a special housing project downtown where she would mentor kids in the neighborhood and be a part of community service projects. She went on to become an ICU nurse and continued to serve God through various causes and trips. I just can't believe that she's gone. She had even left a cheeky note on the networking site about her upcoming surgery.

Now I'm sitting here looking through old pictures and thinking, "Why?" In my human mind, Emily still had stuff to do, lots of stuff to do. In my mind, she had not yet finished her purpose. But God wanted her home. So I sit and wait like David:

Psalm 5: 1-3

O LORD, hear me as I pray;

pay attention to my groaning.

Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God,

for I pray to no one but You.

Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD.

Each morning I bring my requests to You and wait expectantly.

This is why I teach

Saw this sign at Starbucks and just about died. Enjoy what the US public school system produces. If you can't read the sign it says:

"Comming soon...sugar-free mocha"

Yes, comming. Ugh.

Blessings and curses are choices

Most of my life I've heard that my attitude affects everything I do, but suddenly within the last few weeks this has made sense. Deep, real meaning has come from my experiences.

I've struggled this year with respecting my administrators mostly because we've had major changes that have been theoretically in our best interests, but in application are sucking the joy out of teaching. Discouragement is wide-spread and I have a co-worker so negative that people are avoiding her as much as possible. I know I walk in the opposite direction whenever I see her.

Anyway, it's evaluation time and people are on edge anyway, but the process is so beleagured this year, it's almost comical. Almost. I had some choices to make. I could put on the sour face, complain endlessly about the paperwork, and make my administrator as miserable as possible. But then I remembered two things:
1) John Waller's song The Blessing reminded me that I had a choice to either be a blessing for life or a curse for death and
2) in John Eldridge's book Waking the Dead he talks about how Satan plants suggestions in our minds and if we agree with them, it allows him to gain a foothold.

So as the thought of saying things like, "This took me forever and now you want me to do more!" ran through my mind, I banished it, knowing that it would not bring blessing and it was not from God. Due to the extra work required for my evaluation, the post conference took 3 separate sessions to cover everything and each time it was a battle for my attitude: blessings or curses. Everytime I chose blessing and it made a world of difference. Has my situation changed? No. Has my administrator changed? No. But I have. I've grown and mature in a very tangible way.

Pet peeves

So as a former PK, one of my biggest pet peeves are people who just don't understand what it takes to lead, grow and maintain a ministry. At times, my dad was executive pastor, worship leader, visitation pastor, men's pastor, youth pastor, Sunday School coordinator and office manager at the same time. It's tiring and you work hard to follow your calling.

When other people start criticizing their church leaders, I get very wary. First of all, is this complaint valid? Is it a moral failing? Something that doesn't please God? 99% of the time, it ends up being something stupid and that really bothers me.

The most common complaint (besides what the pastor and/or pastor's spouse wears) is the music. I'm sorry, but this is not an Ipod. This is church. The worship leader has been hired because she or he has felt God's calling on their life and had that calling confirmed by the church leadership. Are they perfect? No, of course not. But for goodness' sake, have you forgotten that you are supposed to be worshiping your Creator not satisfying your need for good song?

Yes, it's wonderful to get carried away by the music, but God asks for a worshipfilled heart and life, not a catchy tune. You can get that anywhere. What would happen if someone near you was totally out of tune? Would you still be able to worship or would you be resentful that the person was "ruining" worship time for you?

Worship isn't a feeling, it's a habit. You do it constantly, through everything you do. Music is just a fraction of the worship we give to God. Our everyday actions, words, and thoughts should consist of the majority of our worship. I have no formula, no ratio of how often you should read the Bible to how often you should pray. But if you're only "worshiping" on a Sunday with music you like that isn't really worship. It's singing along to a song. It might as well be the radio unless your heart and life reflect what is being sung.

Top Twenty Worst Theological Pick-up Lines

Found these on Parchment and Pen's blog and they are hilarious! Here are some of the highlights:
16. “You may not have chosen me, but I have chosen you.”
15. “I could not help but notice you were exegeting me instead of the text during the sermon.”
14. ”Your name must be grace, because you are irresistible.”
12. “Until this moment, I thought I had the gift of singleness.”
11. During communion say, “Can I get you another drink.”
9. “The Good Book said that I might be visited by angels unaware, but something must be wrong with my interpretation, because I am perfectly aware of you.”
8. “I noticed you crying during alter call, can I help?”
7. While giving her a TULIP say, ”This Totally depraved person has been Unconditionally drawn to you, Limiting himself to your Irresistible beauty that is Persevering beyond all others.”
6. “God may be the bread of life, but you are the butter.”
4. “Well, gouge out my eyes and cut off my hands. If I hang around you much longer, I won’t have any limbs left.”
3. “You must have missed The Fall line, because you are lookin’ righteous.”

Have to say #6 is my favorite!