It was a tough read today, not due to anything being terribly difficult to read, but mostly the application part. In Genesis we find Abraham pulling the same stupid stunt he tried in Egypt and oh look, it backfires on him! I love how Abraham tries to pull the "Well, it's kinda true," line off, but it's obvious to everyone that he purposefully deceived Abimelech to save his own hide. But despite Abraham's stupid idea, God was still faithful and basically saved Abraham (and consequently Sarah) from himself. Not only that, right after, we read of the birth of Isaac...God continued to be faithful despite the sceptical laughter and the repeated poor decisions.
Now it's easy to sit back and criticize Abraham for his faults, but tonight his dilemma hit home for me. I've been in the process of researching international teaching opportunities and in the early fall I had been looking at one particular recruiting fair in Iowa. I was so excited to go, I had the application ready and everything...but one thing after another kept coming up until it was a very definite "NO" from God. I was devastated and really didn't know what to do next. Well, a few weeks later I discovered another agency that would be less expensive(free) and their fair would be much easier to attend. Within weeks I was accepted by the agency, registered for the recruitment fair, booked the hotel and airfare at unheard of discounts (my airfare was $5, I'm serious!)...everything had God's fingerprint on it. The problem is there aren't a lot of good schools attending. In fact, none of my first choice schools are going at all. It's been a struggle to try to understand, "Okay God, you're sending me there, what do you want me to do?"
Tonight I hit a breaking point. I found out all my top schools are attending not my fair, but the fair in Iowa. Here I am trying to make smart decisions about my future and it just seems that what I really want isn't happening. I considered changing plans and going to Iowa or possibly flying to another fair further away. Then I reread about Abraham. God promised him a son and he waited and waited, not a few months like me, but years and years. And I realized I was looking for an "Ishmael", the easy way out, the shortcut. I wanted God's best but I wanted it my way which really isn't God's best is it?
So once again I'm learning the hard way to be faithful because God is faithful. It's very clear that I'm not in control of anything, God is and quite frankly that's really scary.
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3 comments:
Woa, sister I can relate!
All I can think of lately is Ishmael. I am thankful that God shows us Ishmael in Genesis becuase we all have one (or many).
I'm asking the Lord to impart his great patience upon you. How exciting! Since you find the doors on your plans closing bigger and more wonderous ones will open to you in due time.
2 Peter 3:9- The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
I’m horribly tardy in responding to this post, although I’ve been thinking about it, deep in the recesses of my overflowing brain. My question is this (and this is a general question, not one necessarily addressing your particular situation with recruitment fairs):
How do you distinguish between 1) God closing a door to keep you on the right path and 2) God testing you to see how faithful you are and if you’ll keep on truckin’ despite all the obstacles? Does that make sense? For example, in 2005, I wanted to move to AZ from MN very badly. I was dating someone here at the time and my best friend lived here – it seemed like an ideal time to make a move across the country, to see if I could pick up and leave my family and the only state I’ve ever called home. I first asked the current company if they would relocate me and they said, “We can relocate you, but you need to stay in this job and in MN for at least another year.” That wasn’t good enough. So I started applying for jobs outside the company, while also continuing with my efforts to convince the said current company to relocate me to the desert. The stars seemed to be aligned in the shape of “No can do, Julie.” One company I applied with basically said, “Sorry, we can’t afford you” and another company said, “Hey you’re just what we’re looking for but you’ll have to take a pay cut and you’ll be traveling 75% of the time.” I didn’t know if God was trying to tell me that the timing for a move wasn’t right or if He was testing my faithfulness and whether I would take a pay cut and rely upon Him to meet my financial needs. Was he purposely throwing stuff in my way to encourage me to be creative in keeping my dream alive? I didn’t know what to do, so I did the only thing I knew how – I gave up…threw in the towel and pouted. MY desire was to be in Arizona and to be there immediately. I didn’t want to wait any longer; it seemed like perfect timing to me.
In the end, it worked out for the better that I threw in the towel. My company relocated me a year later, paid for all of my moving expenses and more. I am so glad I waited on moving.
But for future reference, how do I know if I should give up or keep going?
Julie, first of all, you have a blog? I'm super excited to read it! I have some catching up to do. :-)
So I had this great long blog entry in response to your question, but it just didn't feel right. Then I looked down on my living room floor and saw my copy of Waking the Dead. I opened it randomly to page 102. The heading: Revelation: Listening to God's Voice. Wow.
I reread pages 102-109 and then the whole chapter and was very encouraged. I think the thing that is troubling me right now and has in the past is everyone has "great" advice for me, but some of it is just not me. I'm not a pushy person. I don't like sounding like a salesperson. I want to be accepted for being me, not someone else. So it was encouraging to read "...stay close to His side and listen for His voice, obey His counsel."(105) I guess that's what godly discernment is all about.
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