Veggie Training

Bob and Larry were not harmed in the writing of this blog

I've been training for the past few months, not for a marathon or anything specific. No, I'm in veggie training.


I finally realized I'm WAY too picky as an eater and I need to force myself to like more vegetables. I mean I'm an adult for goodness sake. I need to grow up and refine my palate.


So here are the vegetables that I have conquered so far:

• Pickle


• Squash


• Asparagus


• Split peas


• Lentils (not really a veggie, more of a legume, but you get the picture)


• Eggplant

I am still working on:

• Tomatoes (uncooked)


• Onions (uncooked)


• Cucumbers


• Raw broccoli


• Celery


• Kale

So I'll keep at it, using different spices and literally forcing myself to eat healthier. Amazingly, if you put your mind to it, you can actually eat things that are good for you and like them as well.

London Calling!

*Cue cheesy song from The Clash*

I'm goin' to London, baby!

From January 30-February 2, I'll be in London for the CIS recruitment fair. I went to one last year in Seattle and it didn't turn out well for several reasons. So this year, I'm really letting God do His thing and lead me where He wants me.

Frankly, I'm just excited to go to London even if it is for only one weekend. Mostly because I get to go to church here:

Woohoo! Seriously, even if I don't get a job, I'm super excited to worship in a vibrant and exciting church that is doing amazing things in the city of London.

I will also be eating my weight in these:

There is nothing like Marks & Spencer's All Butter Shortbread Fingers, NOTHING!

So if you think of it, please pray for me to have wisdom and ears to hear what God wants for me.

Submission

I don't like to submit...ever. Growing up in the church climate I did, "submission" took on the connotation of "Shut up, I'm a man and know better" so I have never had a friendly relationship with anything resembling submission.

My natural inclination is, "Hmm...I know how to fix this, let me fix this and I don't care where I am in the chain of command." So, I've been working on the pride issue and the selfishness issue and come to find out it all has to do with submission to Christ and not "running interference". I've been learning to let God do His thing in the life of others without me butting in and trying to do everything myself.

Enter serving at a new church and a new children's ministry. I've been part of a very successful children's ministry in the past that ran five services, had hundreds of kids and small groups and games and life application and joy and...you get the picture. But I'm not the children's pastor. So I have a choice:
1. Be obnoxiously self-centered, expounding on how I know how children's ministry can be successful and here is a five step process to get to that goal and let's start today.
2. Serve humbly and pray for my pastor to have wisdom.

For once, I went with option #2 (*ding ding*) and guess what? Pastor Bobby comes to me today and starts telling me about this exciting new kid's curriculum we are starting with small groups and games and life application and joy and...yeah, I almost bawled. I never said a word to Pastor Bobby about changing the curriculum to meet the needs of our kids, but God did something much more powerful and taught me an important lesson.

Submission. Real. True. Submission.

Fruitful

Continuing on our series of “2009 being the most focused, fruitful and fulfilling year we’ve ever had”, Pastor Art Evans talked about being fruitful.

·         John 15—without Him, we can do nothing.

o   Ask yourself, “How much of my life do I live without Jesus in it?”

·         Luke 13:6—when we don’t bear fruit, we are cut down

o   In the parable, thank God for the vinedresser (Jesus) who says, “Just one more year”!

o   What did the vinedresser do?

§  Dug up the ground around it—what junk in your life do you need to have Jesus “dig up”?

§  Fertilized it—live in faith through “crappy” circumstances

·         To be fruitful, you have to be faith-filled.

·         Root out the bad fruitàliving for pleasure, living for personal gain, living for the flesh

·         Plant a new seed in your lifeàthe Word

·         Psalm 1:1-3: Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers.

o   What would it be like to know that what you do every day will be lasting, it won’t wither and that everything you do prospers?

o   How do become that fruitful? “delight in the law of the Lord AND meditate on it day and night”. 

Faith

Pastor Art Evans on faith:

• ·         Hebrews 11:1—What is faith? Having a conviction that what you hope for will happen and what has not been revealed through our senses is a reality.
  
• ·         We whine and say, “Look at my problems!” and God responds, “Look at My promises!”
  
• ·         God says, “Your limitations are not a problem for me. But your doubt is.”
  
• ·         Build up a reservoir of faithàwhen problems come, you’re ready.
  
• ·         “I don’t need to read the Bible today because I’m feeling holy” No, but someone else might need a word and you need to be filled to overflowing.
  
• ·         Jesus walking on water: “That’s just how I roll”.
  
• ·         Focus on God while the “mountains” are there. Matthew 14àthe winds and the waves were still there, but faith superseded the natural.
  
• ·         Hebrews 12:2 (Amplified): “Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher, [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”
  

Focus

The church I attend, San Diego Christian Worship Center, is going through an exciting season. Pastor Art Evans has been preaching on the church’s vision for 2009 which is: “2009 will be the most focused, fruitful and fulfilling year we’ve ever had.”

His first message on being focused was incredible. Here are some highlights:

·         On the subject of focus in the purpose of our church: “Think of a target. The bull’s eye is the focal point, but you need the rings to gain your focus and know what’s most important. You don’t ignore the rings, but they are not your target.”

·         Ephesians 1:17—“wisdom and revelation” We need both, not one or the other.

·         Ephesians 1:18

1.       Hope of your callingàPurpose

2.       Riches of His gloryàProvision

3.       Greatness of His poweràPower

4.       Purpose + Provision + Power = Partnership

·         Matthew 16

·         Verse 16: Who is Jesus?

·         Verse 17: You have to see Jesus yourself

·         Verse 18: Peter means “pebble”. Jesus is saying you’re a part of the Rock(Jesus) and when you  are part of My plan even the gates of Hell won’t conquer you.

·         Nehemiah 6:3—Nehemiah is building the walls and two leaders of the surrounding area were trying to “harm” Nehemiah. “Harm” here means “distract” or “distort”.

·         Nehemiah’s response: “NO, I will  NOT come down” Don’t get distracted. Don’t let your purpose be distorted. 

Speechless

For an English teacher to run out of words is a fairly serious thing. I have literally run out of “excitement” words at this point. “Hooray” seems too cheap. “Yay” is more like “Yay, I found my socks” and “Huzzah!” is much too Pirates of the Caribbean.

Nevertheless I cannot tell you how excited I am that two of the dearest bloggers and sisters in Christ you have ever met received VERY EXCITING NEWS THIS WEEK!

Both the Gumms and the Slonigers are leaving next week to bring home their kids from Ethiopia!

Please pray for their safety, their health, and their kids (both here and in Ethiopia) as they travel.

You can meet the two new Gumms here and the newest Sloniger here. 

Acholi Beads

There are a few things in life that I am truly passionate about, that I will talk your ear off about. One of them is Acholi Beads.
If you do not know the story of Acholi Beads, please take the time to read about this amazing initiative. James Pearson is a family friend and his heart for the people of Uganda is enormous. It touches everyone he meets, I being one of those people.

If you're looking for a Christmas gift that will make a tangible difference in someone's life, go check out the handiwork of some lovely women who are escaping poverty, lack and hopelessness because you are wearing their beads and sharing their story.

The School of Prayer

So I got behind in blogging and now you're just getting a whole slew (isn't "slew" a great word!) of blogs that have been sitting in my edit post pile for a while. 

Pastor Art on Wednesday night does what he calls The School of Prayer. It's a time of teaching devoted solely to prayer. Now some people might say, "Well, it's just prayer. I mean no one has to teach me what to do. I just talk to God." That's what I thought too. Until Wednesday night. Here are some quotes that blew me away:

-James 1: 5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

-Maybe the reason your prayers never get answered is because you are a "double-minded man". 

-Stop asking God without believing He can do it! You must ask with faith! Many of us still pray "double-minded" prayers.

-God has asked us to come to Him with all our mind, spirit, soul, and strength. When one of those parts of us is not focused on God, we are double-minded.

-If someone watched you pray without hearing your words, would they know you were praying? Does your body posture match your prayers?  

-The reason God's people criticize God's church and its leaders is because their prayers aren't getting answered so they turn to people to meet their spiritual needs. 

-Jesus' number one command to us was to love God with your WHOLE being.

-You've been bought by blood, not rented.

-You're not your own anymore. You can't just say what you want. You can't just do what you want anymore.

-If you're living by the Spirit, you crave the Word.

-A lot of times we say to God, "Love yah, mean it, bye!" and then wonder why are prayers aren't answered.

-Prayer is not a holy grenade thrown at the last minute. 

Getting the whole picture

I was reminded in a big way today that we only see half the picture. No, not even half. We see 1/200th of the picture when it comes to the reality of other people's lives. 

Because I'm the advanced ESL teacher at school, I get the opportunity to help students edit their personal essays for college applications. So I sat down tonight to go over one student's essay and I just about cried. Her life was so much different than I had imagined. I knew she came from a poor country. I knew that she was a motivated young woman. But I had missed everything in between, the whole picture of her life, the whole, completely devastating picture of her everyday existence. 

It reminded me of how we tend to make judgements about people even thought we do not know the whole picture. A co-worker is snippy to us and we automatically tag them as a mean, spiteful person. A family member forgets to do something for us and we assume they don't really love or care for us. 

We're not seeing the full picture. We're not seeing that the co-worker just came out of the boss's office discovering her workload had just increased 10 fold with no extra compensation. We're not seeing how someone belittled our family member so on the drive home all they thought about was the negative words said to them, not the list of to-dos.

But as you well may know we can't simply withhold judgement from anyone. That's impossible. But we can ask for the whole picture, ask the One who sees everything to give us His eyes and His ears. Something amazing happens when we ask for this...life becomes less about us and our feelings and becomes more about serving and loving and speaking life into the lives of those around us.

Lord, today I'm asking for the whole picture. I want to see with Your eyes and hear with Your ears. 

 

"What are those crazy white people doin' now?"

I love my new church. I'm getting to know people and I just got hooked into a new small group. CWC is definitely a multi-ethnic church, in fact, most of the kids I have for Kid's Church are African American. 

So Sunday was my first small group. And I met Alex. Alex cracks me up. He's just Alex. God-filled, slightly random, dreadlocks flying everywhere and hysterical. Here's a story he told in the middle of Bible study:

"So today we were at the beach and I was taking a nap and when I woke up, there were these people who had taken the volleyball net down and put up a tighrope and they were tightrope walking...for real! And my first thought, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, was 'What are those crazy white people doin' now?'"

I laughed so hard it hurt. He actually went and tried tightrope walking, but well, the rest of the story involves hand gestures, facial expressions and sound effects so you'll just have to wait until I see you again to act it out. 

PS: I didn't have the nerve to tell him that random tightrope walking is SO a white person thing since all the Midwestern boys I went to college with would randomly pull out a rope and start doing it.

Homecoming

Well, Homecoming for my high school was last Saturday so I was able to cash in on the free alumni BBQ as well as get in the game free as a teacher. Woohoo!

Our team won which was exciting since we were playing our archrivals (can two Christian schools really be rivals?). In addition, we crowned the Homecoming King and Queen, saw the class floats and went to the after party...okay, I didn't go to the after party but there was one. 

Here are some pictures from last night...okay a picture. Me with my signature "Don't blink, don't blink, oh nuts, I blinked!" look and two of my lovely students.

High School Blues

So unlike teaching 5th grade where I just listened to the 20 minute play by play of a soccer game, in high school, I'm expected to go to the games. Now I like sports, I'm not a hater, but I get bored very easily and I don't really know anyone at the games. 

Both a blessing and a curse, the international students have a difficult time getting into sports due to the high liability so I only have a few students in sports. 

Last night I went to J's game. He's #84. And this is what I saw...

Yep. That's it. He stood on the sidelines the whole time. I felt bad. I mean, you can't come up and say, "Good job! You stood so well the whole time!" and it's awkward to say, "So you not practice or something?" Even more awkward the star player of the JV game also shares the same number so you get really excited only to realize it wasn't J at all. 

So I just fall back on the neutral, "Did you see me at the game?" on Monday morning to let him know I was there.  Hopefully next time he'll actually play and I'll have something to congradulate him on. 

Purpose

I have not yet achieved "Shaun-like" status

Well, it's been a month since I last posted so I thought I'd catch you (aka Jen!) up on what's been going on in my life and what God's been revealing to me.

Being a part of Palm Valley for three years, I served in the Kid's ministry very faithfully.

Starting to attend a new church, I knew I had to get hooked into the children's ministry right away. Now, you must understand, I worked under several kid's ministers, one of which was Dave Ellis, an incredibly meticulous, detailed kind of guy. The last week I served at PVC we were running 800 kids per weekend. So you can imagine my apprehension walking into the kid's ministry room with 40 kids, three adults, footballs and frisbees flying everywhere.

I made myself helpful and available, open and respectful to the children's pastor and his wife who are new to kid's ministry and completely understaffed. The volunteers who did show up were unbelievably unprepared, literally and spiritually. I was frustrated those first few weeks and often called friends from my old Home Team to gripe.

Finally, Lea, aka my spiritual kick in the rear, said to me something to the effect of, "When else would this church have someone walk in the door who has served in an amazing kid's ministry for three years who is a teacher by profession say to them, 'I'll do anything. Sign me up.' You are there for a purpose that no one else could fill." I was stunned. She was right.

So, I dug it. I was consistent and faithful and finally got a chance to do something as part of the service. You know when you are so used to the mundane that when you see the wonderful, you can't turn back? Well, after the second week of me being part of the service, the children's pastor called all his volunteers and gave them an ultimatum: either you show up prepared and ready to serve these kids or you don't come at all. Next week, no one showed for second service except me.

The last few weeks serving have been amazing. I've learned how to take authority (even if I disagree) and pray for God to move despite problems. And what do you know? God shows up and does His thing. I've learned to be a bit more dramatic, make kids laugh at my expense and preach the Word as much as possible. Although I have not yet achieved Shaun-like status(no prat falls or elaborate costumes yet), I'm finding that I have a laser-sharp focus every Sunday walking in that door.

• I'm here to encourage a pastor who was weary and overwhelmed.


• I'm here to inspire volunteers to dig in and make service a priority.


• I'm here to love on kids who need a hug and know for sure someone notices them.


• I'm here to say, "Girl, you look cute!" to the girl with the worst hairdo on the planet


• I'm here to hold A tight after his autism spectrum disorder just makes kid's church too hard to handle and he needs to feel safe.


• I'm here to make sure the balls from the pool table don't go flying through the window.


• I'm here to make sure everyone gets a turn and no one gets left out.


• I'm here to be less of me and more of Him.

Because of Who You Are

A few weeks ago in church, we sang a song called Because of Who You Are. I love it. It's one of those songs you just can't get out of your head because not only is the tune good, but the lyrics are killer. 

Often we tend to worship God for all things He's done for us, which is totally Biblical. In fact, a lot of times we forget what God has done and get discouraged and think we can do things in our own strength. But there is something so powerful about just worshipping God for who He is. 

Here's the song that's been circling in my head for over two weeks now:

Because of who You are I give you glory
Because of who You are I give you praise
Because of who You are I will lift my voice and say,
'Lord, I worship You because of who You are.' 

Jehovah Jireh, my Provider
Jehovah Nissi, Lord You reign in victory
Jehovah Shaalom, my Prince of Peace
And I worship You because of who You are!

Hope Deferred

When friends come to visit and go to your church with you, usually I have (and have found many other people have) this thought: "Oh God, please help it to be the senior pastor preaching and please let it be good!" Fickle, yes (as if God can't speak through a guest speaker or associate pastor), but so true. 

Anyway, Courtney and Lea made the journey across the desert to visit me this weekend and got to come to church with me.  And I prayed the prayer, "Oh Lord, please help it to be good."

Haha...it wasn't good. It was life-changing. I'm still blown away and it's five days later. 

Please listen. It's worth the time. You will be blessed. And look, my friend Habbakuk showed up again!

Pastor Art Evans: Hope Deferred

I'm so excited...and I just can't hide it...

One of the coolest parts about serving at Palm Valley for 3 years is you get to know families. I taught 2 out of 3 Gregg kids, 3 out of 4 Rohlingers and 2 out of 3 Slonigers. I have to say I was partial to the last two since they were so fun, but also because their mom, Jen, has a great blog. I've been able to follow their family's journey to adopt a little boy from Ethiopia. It's been a long wait and it's not even my kid!
But today, yes, TODAY WAS THE DAY! They got their referral with the first picture of their son!!!!!
So head on over to Jen's blog to watch the video. It's worth every second.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Standing on holy ground

There are times in your life when the presence of God completely overwhelms you. In those time, I feel like Moses who had to remove his sandals and later wear a veil because God's glory and power was so evident.

Wednesday morning I had a take-your-sandals-off moment. The high school I'm teaching at is the same one I graduated from 7 years ago. Still, many of the stalwarts, the best of the best, are still there. These are the people that inspired me to teach. These are people who are spiritual giants in my world. And every Wednesday morning they pray before school together. For the first time, I got to sit in on it.

For 30 minutes, I heard the genuine heart-felt cries to God from people I love dearly. I started to cry when I realized I was surrounded on both sides by cancer survivors. Terri was stage 4. She was supposed to be dead 5 years ago. Linn was told there was nothing they could do. And here both of them were, preserved by God for a greater purpose. Then there's Karen who has done nothing but encourage me and laugh with me for two weeks straight. Kris, who I've known for 17 years of my life whose daughters were my friends in tough times, I could go on and on.

I think what the Church today is missing is that overwhelming feeling of real community. Surrounded by a literal "cloud of witnesses" who rely on God for every single breath they take and walk alongside of you. Their lives in everything point directly to the Savior. It's a humbling to life-giving experience.

I feel so blessed and in awe of God's sovereignty. Never would I have thought I could be a part of something as big as this. I am truly thankful and know that next week, I need to wear sandals.

Lessons learned from my first week as a high school teacher

1. High school teaching means short, intense bursts of creative genius
In elementary school, I had 6 hours in which to impart knowledge. In high school, I'm a 50 minute segment in a long stretch of information. It has to be memorable and concise. In other words, I have to be smart and quirky. There has to be a hook that by the end of the day when they are doing their homework, they'll go, "Oh, I remember that. Miss Ernst explained what adultery was. THAT was awkward."
PS: We're reading The Scarlet Letter so I'm not a complete perv.

2. In high school, they talk back...in a good way.
I'm used to elementary kids talking back in inappropriate ways. High school kids (at least my fabulous Korean and Chinese kids) talk back and make me laugh. Case in point: I was told by an administrator I talk too fast for ESL students. So I talked slower. And here was the conversation that ensued:
Sam: Miss Ernst, where are you from?
Me: San Diego, but I've lived in a lot of different places.
Sam: Why do you talk so slow?
Me: Hahaha...should I talk faster?
Sam: YES!
Me: How'boutthis? ShouldItalkthisfast? Canyouunderstandme? Yagoodyagood?
Sam: (laughing) YES, YES!!

3. I can have conversations that have nothing to do with Hannah Montana.
Thank God. I can have real conversations during passing periods. I can sympathize with their frustration at not knowing where anything is. I remember what it was like to forget your homework assignment on the first day and feel like the world had collapsed.

Hopefully I'll continue to learn more about this strange and fun world called high school ESL. My department head has been astounded at how well I've adapted considering I had two days to prepare. I'll keep you updated with any more epiphanies that happen to bonk me on the head.

Now...I'm off to learn my own language so I can teach it...past present progressive tense anyone?

Grandma Jean

My Grandma Jean passed away a week ago. Her burial was today in Phoenix.

Grandma Jean, me, Grandma and Christian

Technically, she wasn't my "real" grandma, but she really was a grandma to my brother and I. She was my paternal grandmother's best friend and the two of them did shopping trips to San Diego, lunches and all the fun stuff that two gals named Jean and Betty can do in Hemet, California.

Grandma Jean had several loves in her life: playing the organ at church, collecting bells (she had thousands), offering her opinion with a toss of the head and fabulous intonation, rooting for the Dallas Cowboys(she had the official football phone!) and loving Jesus.

Our family is going to miss Grandma Jean a lot. She filled a gap in our family and we filled one in hers. When her daughter-in-law went to put together the pictures for the funeral bulletin, 3 out of 5 of them are of her and our family. Right now I just can't believe that she won't be coming down for her annual birthday dinner at Seaport Village. Or sending me cards with her meticulous handwriting. Or coming down to visit the Christmas tree at the Hotel Del.

Please pray for our family as well as Grandma Jean's family through this time. Especially pray for my grandma. I can't imagine losing your best friend of 30 years. It's going to be hard for her.

God has a sense of humor(aka I have a job!)

When I graduated from college, I told my mother two things:
1. I would never teach high school
2. I would never teach in her district

Let's just say I've been laughing for the past 24 hours at God's sense of humor. I'd like to think He's laughing along.

I got offered (and accepted) a job yesterday teaching part-time high school English to international students. In my mom's district.

It's crazy reflecting on how perfect this position is. Who else but God would take a 5th grade teacher and plunk her with no experience, no credential in a high school classroom. I start Monday. As in 48 hours.

The class is all set up. The lesson plans are done through the semester. I'm only teaching two classes of advanced students.

My biggest fear was that I wasn't qualified for it. I wrestled with God for a good hour, but decided to take the step of faith and go for it. As I'm looking through the lesson plans and what I'll actually be teaching, it's stunning. It's what I taught in 5th grade.

In elementary, I guess I always thought of myself as an average teacher. I was effective, yes, but never really thought I was anything exceptional. Until last night. When I realized I was teaching my 5th graders high school vocabulary and writing skills. I taught 10 year-olds MLA formatting. I taught a kid who had almost no English language skills how to use the word "juxtapose" correctly in a sentence.

Dang. I'm good.

I'm still looking forward to teaching internationally someday, but how perfect, how terribly and wonderfully perfect is my position right now. It's preparing me for the next step.

I keep reflecting on what Pastor Greg said a few months ago that has just stuck with me:
God will prepare you for what He has prepared for you.

This is true. So very true. God has an amazing sense of humor.

The purpose of prayer

Deb...what can I say? Deb is awesome. She's the iron that sharpens my iron. The matching pea in my pod. We were having a conversation about prayer Wednesday night when she read to me Wednesday's My Utmost for His Highest reading.

"We too often think of the Cross of Christ as something we have to get through, yet we get through for the purpose of getting into it. The Cross represents only one thing for us— complete, entire, absolute identification with the Lord Jesus Christ— and there is nothing in which this identification is more real to us than in prayer.

'Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him' ( Matthew 6:8 ). Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.

'. . . I do not say to you that I shall pray the Father for you; for the Father Himself loves you . . .' ( John 16:26-27 ). Have you reached such a level of intimacy with God that the only thing that can account for your prayer life is that it has become one with the prayer life of Jesus Christ? Has our Lord exchanged your life with His vital life? If so, then "in that day" you will be so closely identified with Jesus that there will be no distinction.

When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to place the blame on someone else. That is always a trap of Satan. When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason— God uses these times to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you."


I'm still chewing on this. It rocks my view of prayer. Suddenly prayer isn't all about me and my wants and desires, it truly becomes all about Him.

Dealing with Disappointment

After a week of waiting and praying, several international phone calls and lots of positive feedback, I got a message back from my possible employer. The answer was no.

In some ways I had been preparing myself for that answer
1) because everything seemed too good to be true and
2) because I had been rejected by so many schools before this one.

But on the other hand what makes this such a disappointment was that yesterday was the first day I really let myself dream the "what ifs". What if this really worked out, what would life be like? What if I had to start packing and this and that. I had so many friends and relatives and random people who were so excited for me that it was easy to fall into the "I've got it in the bag" mentality.

And it's hard to go through 6 months worth of rejection then hear that someone is super excited about you and thinks you're wonderful and just perfect but... That's almost worse than the standard "Thanks for applying, but..."

So this is where the rubber meets the road so to speak. I have a choice:
1) Give up, second guess God and my calling, fall back into what is comfortably mundane and close off my heart or
2) Cling tightly to God's promises, thank Him for what He's done and listen closely for the next step.

I'm sticking with choice #2 simply because I've seen too many people fall into #1 and live the rest of their lives unhappy, bitter and just generally unfulfilled.

And God, as ironic as He is, gave me what I wanted: the approval of people. And you know what? It still didn't work out.

Anyway, this seems a bit rambling, but so do my thoughts today. Part of me still wants to cling to a job that no longer exists and the other part knows I need to learn my lesson well and move forward.

As Perry Noble said, "God does a work in you before he does a work through you." Apparently, my in isn't done yet.

Pray

Wow, one day in San Diego and things go crazy!

• I had a great phone interview with a school in Europe...I should know by Friday if I have a job or not. Pray for wisdom!
• Both my parents fell on Monday and injured themselves. Please pray for complete healing and no complications.
• My brother just survived the LA earthquake. Thankfully, nothing was damaged at his job site or apartment.
• My aunt has been having medical problems and there is a possibility it is Parkinson's. Please pray for my aunt, Jane and her husband, Mel as well as my mom who is devastated about this possibility.

Philippians 4:4-7 (Remember this is Paul speaking, Paul as in almost stoned to death, run out of town Paul)

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

My goodbye party

My home team gals are wonderful! (See post below) They threw me a surprise going away party. We swam, ate hot dogs and hamburgers which Deb and Jenna bravely risked their lives flipping, ate fabulous Sam’s Club cake and just had a fun time together. The best part of the night was the prayer time we shared together. I have loved praying with these girls for the past year and we have seen God work in weird and miraculous ways. Here are some things I will miss:

• Target clearance updates
• Movie nights
• “Umm…rrrriiiight”
• Book of answered prayers
• What else but monkeys!
• "I saw a big round of cheese and thought of you, Rachel"
• Our deep meaningful conversations over coffee/ice cream/food in general
• “HAhaHA…”
• “Momma like…"
• Oreo ba…um…treats
• “Deb’s flipping in her Bible, she’s got something good!”
• A million and one dance moves of coolness
• “I KNOW!”
• “I’m high on Jesus!”
• Caffeine driven Bible study epiphanies and illustrations
• And then Satan says, "SH**! She's awake!"
• Booth dancing
• “I’m the cream in your Oreo”
• Contagious laughter
• Red plastic cups
• Shower General
• Poor Napoleon...
• "Heather's been baking yummy things again...:-)"
• AMAZING answered prayers...aka, jobs, family, reconciliation, etc.

The Real Deal

Peek-a-boo!

And why are you not in a Home Team?

One 14’ Uhaul truck: $200 File boxes: $30 Tape: $15
One tray of sandwiches: $28
Friend with buff boyfriend: free
Five home team girls who load your moving truck in less than an hour: priceless!

Everyone should have a friend like Katie.

I still remember the day Katie Whipple asked me if I would like to go to Duluth and go backpacking with her. I was excited! No one ever asked me to go anywhere fun and I was an out-of-state sophomore with nowhere to go for Fall Break. Granted I had never been camping, hiking or backpacking before, but gee, how hard could it be?

I forgot Katie was the essential "Wilderness Woman", knew how to canoe, speak Ojibwa and wore mukluks. Our backpacking trip was hilarious. We hiked through one of the most difficult trails in Minnesota, I almost passed out with my 50 lb pack, and Katie, the bubbly superwoman she was, carried both of our packs the rest of the way. We cooked cornbread on a rock, used a single candle because we forgot a flashlight, got caught in a rainstorm on the hike out and pulled over by the police because of "speeding". We got off because it was a small town and we were soaked with a wet dog in the backseat. Katie's remark was, "Rachel, if the Queen of England went camping, I think she'd be a lot like you."

Well, anyway, I haven't seen Katie in a while, but we still keep in touch through Facebook. She went to Poland for a year to be a missionary and now she's working as a historical impersonator at a history center and going to seminary. Katie stretched me in so many ways and just makes me want to be more adventurous person in general. I think everyone should have a friend like Katie, one that inspires you to do more, be more, dance more, and dream more. Here's Katie at her best, having fun doing what she loves.

You say HaBAkkuk, I say HAbakkuk

The last few weeks, I keep circling back to Habakkuk which if you think of it is weird. Most people forget it's a book in the Bible, much less know what it says. It all started with this:



So, it got me curious and sure enough, Habakkuk continues to blow my socks off. After complaining to God, getting an answer, complaining again, getting another answer, here's Habakkuk's final response in Habakkuk 3.

17 Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
able to tread upon the heights.

Wow. After everything, Habakkuk comes back to the heart of the issue: Can you worship God for who He truly is? Can you trust Him enough to know that He will be your strength no matter what the circumstance?

What my life and a plot off of Verrado Way have in common.

It's hard to sum up what's been going through my head the last few weeks. As my plans for moving back home are finalized, it's hard for me to look to the calendar and see nothing after a certain date.
As a teacher for the past three years, my life has been a continuous stream of planning for "what's next". The next lesson, the next unit, the next skill, getting ideas, researching topics, creating projects and PowerPoints and handouts. Even the summer has always been looking forward to a new building and a new staff (I've moved school buildings 4 times in 3 years and changed staff twice). Suddenly, there's nothing. I went to Joann's today and realized there is no one to buy $1 sticker books for, no use for pre-cut quilting squares or no need to buy clearance bead sets. It's a feeling of not having anything concrete to look forward to.
I'm coming to grips with the fact that my life was wrapped quite tightly around my profession. It drove my schedule, my creativity, my thoughts, and for several years my finances as well. And as with most things you cling to and value above everything else, God rips them from your arms and you come to terms with where you really stand. Surrender is incredibly painful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Surrender is also vital, I'm discovering. I can't claim God as my Everything if I hold back 90% of my life.
What I've found however as part of this process is that it's a war for my heart. I have days where my confidence level with God is sky-high. I feel like I will do anything and go anywhere for Him, that waiting and uncertainty are fun and exciting adventures. But then comes the days like today when a single email can send me reeling and Satan starts his subtle whispering of "God's not going to come through this time," and it takes everything within me to not just give in and agree. This is the point where so many people get taken out, their hearts shackled, their dreams killed and they settle for a distant God and a predictablely mundane future. I know I have to be extremely careful or end up with a trail of destructive, emotionally-driven decisions behind me.
So, that's where I'm at today. Ask me tomorrow, it will probably be different. I'm getting used to the "Work in Progress" me. As I told Lisa yesterday, I feel like our church building. God's laying down the utilities and the sewer pipes. Things are changing radically, but you can't see it yet. He's preparing to build, but He can't do that until the groundwork is laid and the foundation is firm.

Spiritual Maturity

So this week for Home Team I really wanted to do something from 2 Kings or Acts just because it's been really fun (and bloody) to read. So while preparing for Home Team, I threw out the quick, "Lord, should we do 2 Kings or Acts?" Quite clearly I heard, "Neither". Now this is pretty big since I really wanted to at least touch on Acts. But obviously God had other plans.

I opened up the reading for Psalms this week and came to this:

Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends You, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

This is what spiritual maturity looks like. It's no longer a negotiation of "Well, God it's not really sinning is it? I mean, it's not like I killed someone or anything like that." There are no more excuses about so and so or your church not meeting your needs, etc. You step up and say, "Okay God, search me, test me, show me the crap I'm still clinging to and lead me toward freedom."

Randomly today I decided to listen to an older Perry Noble sermon. I never do that. It's just not something that ever crosses my mind, but today I did. What was it on? The title, "Me or Jesus?" intrigued me so I downloaded it. What did it end up being on? Spiritual maturity. Specifically asking God,

"What do I still lack?"
"What am I resisting that you still want to do in me?"

These are scary questions just like David's requests in Psalm 139. Why? Because the answers just may change your life forever. It may turn what you now know as normal upside-down.

So we have a choice. We can stay spiritually stunted, just hanging out, going through the motions and feeling empty. Or we can step out and say, "Search me, test me, show me, lead me" and find out that God has so much more in store for us than we could have ever imagined if we'll just let Him work through us.

Twitter

It's official.
I'm on Twitter for real.
Shout out to Derrick for being my first follower. But seriously, I've only been on Twitter for 6 minutes and got this:

Friends

Growing up I had a problem with friends. I never did seem to keep them. Junior high hit and all you know what broke lose. My best friend from high school made a succession of poor relationship decisions and I just couldn't keep up. Friends from college are friends on facebook and you keep up with short messages and pictures, but not much else.

So imagine my surprise when I went back to Minnesota for a friend's wedding this past weekend and stayed with a former college roommate and her husband.

Naomi (otherwise known as Nomie) and I had been roommates traveling abroad as well as our sophmore year. Our junior year, she married Alan, one of the nicest guys on the planet.

I don't know what I was expecting staying with them, but needless to say I was overwhelmed. I felt valued. I felt cherished. I had a really great time and never felt as if I were a burden.

Some people say that seeing certain friends after a long time you can just pick up where you left off. It wasn't like that with Nomie and Alan. It was ten times better. We had both matured and changed, but we understood that. We discovered new interests, new talents and new perspectives about each other.

They even took time during their scouting session for their photography business to take pictures of me which they didn't have to, but made my day.

It was a good reminder of what friendship should be. So I'm making sure it won't be another 3 years before I visit them again. It's too easy to get bogged down with life and forget what's most important.

PS: If you're wondering, yes Nomie and Alan were the photographers who took my new profile picture. Seriously, they are some of the best photographers I've seen. If you're planning a wedding or family event in Minnesota, look them up at http://www.pricelessphotomemories.com/

How will you live?

I was out of town this past Sunday so I missed hearing Perry Noble's sermon in person. I listened to it on the Palm Valley web site and then the "unedited" version he did for NewSpring.

Here's the thought that stuck with me:

"Are you walking in anticipation or frustration?"

I have a choice. Live in anticipation or live in frustration.

I know I'm making a change.

How will you live?

One Prayer Resources

If you have not yet checked out the One Prayer website, it's amazing.


Tuesdays are set aside for fasting and prayer. This week's focus is on miracles. Just reading through others' prayer requests you get an overwhelming sense that we truly are One Body of Christ. Take the time to check out the daily devotional as well as the prayer requests. It has encouraged me greatly.

http://www.oneprayer.com/blog

Where does your hope lie?

With all the hoopla of political candidates and economic uncertainties, can you sing this with confidence?

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' Name.

On Christ, the Solid Rock, I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand.

A Godly Heritage

My apartment feels very empty right now. My mom is at the airport after spending almost a week visiting me. It was the first time she visited me in over 2 years since usually I'm the one visiting her.

I think the thing that blew me away was how utterly blessed I am to have a mother who is so passionately in love with Jesus Christ and earnestly wants to follow his voice.

Granted, we had some fun, bizzare and hilarious times this past week, but what I remember most are our times of prayer, her laying of hands on me, our talks about our struggles and sharing what the Lord had spoken to us through our daily Bible reading.

God, thank You for blessing me with a godly heritage. Thank you for my mom who seeks Your face daily and wants so desperately to hear Your voice. I don't deserve this favor, Lord, but I praise You all the same for giving me my mother. Bless her in ways she can't even imagine.

Something random, but awesome.

Best...commercial...ever. I literally bought the song within 2 minutes of seeing this on TV.

Doing life together

Our home team has spent a lot of time encouraging each other through hard times as well as mourning together through many losses. It was so fun to finally let loose and celebrate!

Highlights: Deb's infamous monkey story, TJ's hair (or lack thereof), random ballroom dancing couple, the home team sweep of both the bouquet toss and the garter toss, Vinnie the DJ and Courtney's impromtu love song.

God is faithful

Three years ago, our singles home team started praying. We prayed that God would provide a godly husband for Jen. There were times when it was hard, sad, depressing and just plain annoying.

After three years and hundreds of prayers, God more than proved himself faithful this Saturday. I could go on and on about how the rain stopped just in time, how the moment Pastor Miller prayed to thank God for the weather the sun came out and countless other blessings. But I'll leave you with the picture because it says it all. God is faithful.

Bobby and Jen Simmers

Thank God for new life!

The Logans have a boy!!!! I got to see him from far away at baby dedication this past Sunday and he's a cutey! For those of you who weren't there, check my newest favorite baby boy in the nursery, Jude William!

Rethinking the Ten Commandments

Had a chance two weekends ago to attend Lake Ave Church, a large multi-cultural church in Pasadena, California. It's known for its huge pipe organ (pipes 32 feet high...let's just say your entire body rattles when they hit those notes), huge congregation and complete lack of parking.
Anyway, the pastor is doing a series on the Ten Commandments and the way he has rephrased them really got me thinking. Here they are:

1. Let God Be God (What causes, relationships, goals or practices are more important and absorbing to me than God?)
2. Worship God as He Is (Do I know and worship God as He truly reveals Himself to be in the Bible, or do I make Him into someone or something that I want Him to be?)
3. Honor God's Name with Integrity (If you claim to be a Christian, with Christ's name on you, do you truly live out what you claim to be, or have you been a hypocrite in any area?)
4. Follow the Rhythms God Establishes (Are you willing to accept God's schedule for your life? Do you work six days "as unto the Lord"? Do you give God the best parts of your time for His worship?)
5. Love and Respect Your Parents (Have you made every effort to show members of your immediate family, especially your parents, all the love, consideration and respect that you can?)
6. Treat Human Life as Sacred (Have you ever harbored malice, ill-will, bitterness, or though unkindly of anyone? Have you done harm through actions, words or thoughts to those made in God's image?)
7. Keep Pleasure Undefiled (Have you been intimate or allowed your mind to indulge in desires of intimacy with anyone to whom you are not married?)
8. Take Only What God Has Given You (Have I envied or taken from others any time, services, money or goods to which I did not have a right?)
9. Tell and Live the Truth (Do you walk with integrity, keep your promises, speaking with complete honesty?)
10. Be Content (Are you able to thank God for whatever He has allowed to come into your life? Do you trust his goodness, wisdom and help in every area?)

Number 2 and 10 have been spiritually kicking my butt this week and forcing me to reevaluate several areas. What about you?

He's healing my heart

I've been super excited this past week since I found out John Eldredge had written a new book called Walking With God. I loved Waking the Dead and from what I could see the new book was going to be good too.

In Waking the Dead, John had talked about "agreements" we make with Satan without even really thinking about it. Usually they are subtle, but damaging statements that the Enemy whispers to us and we agree. Our hearts are in bondage to the agreement we made. So I got to the part in the new book where John describes his journey of wrestling with an agreement he had made long ago and not even realized it. He discovered that much of his drive to "do it himself" and drivenness that caused immense stress in his life was caused by the overwhelming conviction that Love will never stay. Through experiences in his life, he been wounded and never healed from that. His story of healing was cool so I thought, what the heck, why not try it myself...

I've learned to never underestimate God. I was driving to work this morning and I asked God, "Okay, reveal to me if I've made any agreements with Satan, ones that I've shoved down and not dealt with." So I kept driving, keeping my heart wide open for whatever.
Well, that "whatever" hit me in the chest like semi. I started thinking about how Monday I'm going to be getting my "Teacher of the Year" award at a special ceremony. Ever since I heard I'd won, I've never been excited. I faked being excited, but the award always felt hollow and disappointing. I started thinking, "Why? Why am I the only one not excited about this?" Then the agreement You're not good enough started ringing in my head like a bell, softly at first than over and over and over. Suddenly, the pain of the last few months overwhelmed me and years of people-pleasing drilled into me. I realized I was being attacked, quite literally.

It all made sense. I spent years growing up in a church that looked at me, a pastor's kid, and demanded perfection. I was never good enough. Here I am the daughter of two musicians and I can't really play any instrument proficiently. I never got good enough to do anything with it. I go to college and I don't fit the bill of the "cool college girl". I'm not good enough. I get my first job and within my first week, my principal literally tells me during a 2 hour conference, "You're not good enough". I work in a school system that is constantly reaffirming to teachers "You're not good enough". I teach at an underperforming school where the State has come in and told me, "You're not good enough". I've had numerous parent-teacher conferences where all I've heard is, "You're not good enough". I step out in faith to interview for international teaching jobs and all I get is rejection letters and silence with a growing fear of "I'm not good enough".

Within 10 seconds, these memories wash over me and I am in emotional, spiritual and physical pain. Thankfully, I remember that this is not me. This isn't true. I am good enough. I am loved and saved by the Creator of the Universe and He has gifted me and given me a purpose. I pray and pray and my praying becomes yelling Scripture out loud and finally I got to the point where whatever and whoever was attacking me left. I knew I needed Christ's healing and protection before I was attacked again and suddenly there was peace.

As this day has gone on, I've found myself reminded of the fact that I've lived out my life under the assumption that I'm not good enough. And it's crippled me. My prayer life is much more fervent now as I pray for repentance from making this agreement and reaffirming it most of my life. I pray for protection and healing for my heart as I try to learn how to live without fear of not being good enough.

I know it will take time for this wound to heal since it's been wide open for years now, but I'm amazed at how loved and at peace I am. I know I'll be battling the feeling of inadequacy and trying to keep it at bay, but I'm comforted by so many verse that tell me that I am good enough. Through Christ Jesus I have God-given talents and I have a future.

And what do you know? I'm actually excited about Monday's ceremony now.

Whatever You're Doing

Every once and a while a song comes along that pierces directly to where you're at in life. When this song came on the radio for the first time, I almost had to pull my car over because I was bawling. Here's a YouTube recording of it with the lyrics below.


It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving into something Heavenly.

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly.

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly.

There is no Plan B

So contracts are due soon and I'm getting the same question about a bizillion times a day, "So have you heard anything yet? What are you going to do next year?"

Answer: No clue.

That's it.

I'm in that angst-ridden waiting period, but I realize that and I know it's for my good so I'm trying to get over the angst and enjoy the ride.

Second most asked question, "So what are you going to do if this doesn't work out?"

Answer: There is no plan B.

No seriously. I'm not pursuing anything else. I'm not holding on to my contract "just in case". I'm not getting certified in other states. I'm waiting, pursuing my passion and asking for wisdom. To some that may sound incredibly unwise, but check out James 1:

5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord;
8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Quite frankly, I don't want to be blown and tossed by the wind. Been there, done that, not going back. So I have a choice: sit, worry, cry, doubt, plan "just in case", worry, eat pie, worry, repeat. OR I could ask for wisdom, listen for His voice and believe that God will provide.

What if God doesn't come through? Really...did some of your just think that...sad, huh. God has always provided and God's got a bigger perspective and bigger bank account than me so I'm thinking I'm going to trust Him to come through.

So for all of you out there who are somewhat convinced I'll be living in a cardboard box, no worries. It's nothing that God won't use for His glory and I'd rather that than fall back on an uninspired, soul-crushing Plan B.

GO and do the same!

Have you ever had the experience of someone asking you for something and you simply did not want to help? We usually have lots of good reasons to not aid certain types of people. Perhaps they were mean or rude, the kind of person who would never show gratitude or possibly even jeer at you if you attempted any kind of assistance. What keeps us from helping people in need?

Let's go to Luke where a religious law expert asks Jesus what he thinks is a win-win question. He'll say the right answer, Jesus will praise him and he'll feel smug and good about himself. But that's not what happens. Pick up the story in Luke 10:25-29

So far so good. But the man wanted more and boy did Jesus give him more here.

Jesus tells the famous "Good Samaritan" parable. (Bit of a pet peeve: "good" is such an underwhelming word for this act of mercy so I'm calling him the Compassionate Samaritan)
Here are some interesting things to note:

• Who passes the injured, naked man by? The most respected and "religious" members of the community.
• Who ends up literally saving the man's life? The most universally hated enemy of the Jewish people, a Samaritan.

It's hard for us to truly understand how much Samaritans were despised by Jewish people. It wasn't simply a prejudice preference...it was a cultural hatred that had been around for hundreds of years.

Which leads us to the question: did Jesus answer the man's question? No. He turned it back on the religious law expert and made him examine his own heart and motives. Jesus, on his way to Jerusalem, was combating this heart issue almost constantly.

Luke 9: 49-50--the disciples proudly report to Jesus that they told someone to stop casting out demons in Jesus' name because the person "isn't in our group". How does Jesus respond? He yells at them! “Don’t stop him! Anyone who is not against you is for you."

Luke 9:51-56--the Samaritans don't readily welcome Jesus and the disciples want Jesus to rain fire down on the village and destroy it. How does Jesus respond? This time, He really lays the smack down! "But Jesus turned and rebuked them."

So what does this have to do with us? Think about it: how many times have we been jealous of what other Christians or churches are doing or just mad because they don't do things our way? We criticize them for everything and refuse to help. We tell them to stop because they are not part of "our group". But Jesus made it clear. If they are for Jesus and you oppose them, you are opposing HIM!!!! Scary!!!

Also think about the one people group or person who have rejected you. Our first response is much like the disciples...rain down fire, baby! But Jesus is asking us to be completely different. Our first response is to be love. In the parable of the Compassionate Samaritan, the Samaritan is said to have had "compassion to act" when seeing the injured man. That word "compassion" in the original Greek is a rare word which has incredibly strong connotation. It literally means "gut-wrenching movement within your deepest being". Whoa.

When met with people in need who are messy, mean, different, unfriendly, inconvenient and just plain unlikeable is my first response love? If not, why not? What does that say about my heart and about my relationship with Christ?

When we look at the last part of the parable, Jesus ends: "Yes, now go and do the same." This is not a friendly suggestion. It's a direct command. We are to go and literally do the same.

Blaine, a South African former Mormon and current Episcopalian seminary student, blogged on this parable and gave a powerful paraphrase of this command:
"Go and do this kind of mercy — this gut-wrenching movement within your deepest being — to last person you can imagine as a neighbor to you"

Then I realized that my heart was bitter...

Psalm 73 highlights that blew me away! Asaph sounds like he wrote this yesterday.

But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.
3 For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.
4 They seem to live such painless lives; their bodies are so healthy and strong.
5 They don’t have troubles like other people; they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.

13 Did I keep my heart pure for nothing? Did I keep myself innocent for no reason?
14 I get nothing but trouble all day long; every morning brings me pain.
15 If I had really spoken this way to others, I would have been a traitor to your people.

16 So I tried to understand why the wicked prosper. But what a difficult task it is!
17 Then I went into your sanctuary, O God, and I finally understood the destiny of the wicked.
21 Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.
22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.

23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.
26 My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

28 But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do.

Trust

This week at Home Team we looked at Luke 4-5 where Jesus calls Peter as a disciple. I really loved these verses since Matthew and Mark have the "Cliff Notes" version of the story...

One day as Jesus was walking along the shore of the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew throwing a net into the water, for they fished for a living. 17 Jesus called out to them, “Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!” 18 And they left their nets at once and followed him.

Luke, on the other hand, gives us the more detailed story which revealed some interesting facts.

1. Jesus knew Peter (Simon) prior to calling him as a disciple. In fact, Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law when He was invited to Peter's house.
2. Peter had a mother-in-law which means Peter had a wife!
3. Jesus used Peter's boat to preach from and Peter sat there and listened. He was familiar with Jesus' teaching.
4. When Jesus asked Peter to go and fish, it wasn't a simple request. Peter had been fishing all night. He was probably exhausted. Not only that, he was an expert on his trade. Going to fish during the day was just stupid. It made no logical sense.
5. Peter trusted Jesus anyway and went out to fish.
6. Not only was Peter's boat filled with fish, but also James and John (Peter's fishing partners) got in on the deal and their boat was filled to almost sinking.
7. What does tons and tons of fish mean? Money and provision for Peter, James and John's families.
8. Peter's first response was to recognize he was a sinner and that Jesus was holy.
9. Jesus reassures Peter and calls him to do something amazing.
10. Peter's response? He left everything in God's hands and followed Jesus.

Last week, I simply could not get this story out of my head. I thought about it constantly. Here were some of my reflections on the passage.

• Do you really trust God? When it came down to it, if God asked you to do something seemingly illogical would I still do it?
• Recognize that we're sinners saved by a Holy Savior. We can't do this on our own.
• When God calls you to do something, He provides for your needs. Peter wouldn't have left his family had he not known in a HUGE way that Jesus was providing for their everyday needs.
• What do you have to leave behind in order to completely follow Jesus?

The "Real Church" and trials

Got to hear Pastor Lyle preach again at Mission Valley Christian Fellowship and he just cracks me up. He preached through Acts on "What is a real church?"
Mission Valley Christian Fellowship(MVCF) is a set-up/teardown church like Palm Valley and often Pastor Leo or Pastor Lyle is told, "Well, when you get a building, then we'll come back."
So Pastor Lyle's sermon was on "Is MVCF a real church?" I think these truths apply to any church:
A real church has:

• Teaching
• Fellowship
• Sharing of meals
• Prayer
• People who are filled with awe
• Miraculous signs
• Focus on pleasing God first, people second

I also had a chance to hear MVCF's Pastor of Security, known as "Sarge", preach. He was supposed to preach last October, but the day he was supposed to preach, his mother died suddenly in his own home. His sermon title was "Facing Trials and Tribulations". What a powerful testimony! He was so vulnerable and preached powerfully out of the book of James. Here are some notes that have stuck with me:

• James introduced himself as a slave to Christ, not Jesus' half brother. He knew who His Savior was.
• James 1:4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
• Perseverance is only developed through trials.
• How do you count it all joy when really bad things happen? For Sarge, it was remembering the day he got a chance to preach randomly to a group of people and baptized 8 of them, one of which was his mother.
• James 1:6--ask in faith with no conditions.
• Are you seeking biblical counsel? Or the world's counsel?

Going home...

Two weekends ago I did something I've always wanted to do: surprise my mom for her birthday. I had Spring Break that week for school so I told my mom her present would be coming on Saturday.
Saturday morning I woke up early, drove the 5+ hours home and called my mom from our front lawn. I asked if she had checked for her present and she said, "Yes, I just looked." Getting out of the car, I walked up to the front porch and said, "Look again."
Mom opened the door and just screamed! It was wonderful! I also had the chance to surprise my dad and pick him up from work.

I think the nicest thing about going home is that I'm able to truly relax. With my parents, I can be myself and we have a good enough relationship we can talk about almost anything. We were very honest with each other this time though, and I think it was really good. All three of us are growing in God's Word and really seeking His voice for direction.